


Dissentient

by petiteneko



Series: Wardship [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Alcohol, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Relationships, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mugiwara no Ichimi | Straw Hat Pirates, Nakama, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-09-18 15:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9391736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petiteneko/pseuds/petiteneko
Summary: Trafalgar Law wasn’t a lot of things. But the one thing he mostdefinitelywas, was a man in denial. But you’d never hear him say that. Instead, he’d just blame that damned Strawhat.





	1. 3.5 Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> You need to read Guardian first!
> 
> You know those weeks where I was occasionally late in posting up chapters? Well including working all the time and being with family, I had been secretly working on THIS. Yes. Sometimes I even HAD to wait until I wrote a specific portion here in order to write the next one. I had been alluding to these portions multiple times throughout the story :3 I hope you enjoy!

A door opened and closed.

Did the cook forget something?

Law looked towards the men’s quarters, expecting to see that shock of blond, but, much to his surprise, it wasn’t blond, but black hair that he found.

_Luffy?_

It definitely wasn’t time for the other captain to go on watch, and so Law wondered just why he had stepped out. It didn’t take him long to figure it out however. All it took was one look. One look into those dark eyes to understand. He saw that look before.

( _He_ looked that way before…)

It was the same look. From two years ago. On his submarine. When the strawhat was on the verge of consciousness, or when he needed more sedative. It was that same look when he almost destroyed his ship. When he emerged onto the island of women. When he screamed.

When he demanded where Ace was.

Granted, the intensity wasn’t the same. It wasn’t like it had been on day one or two. It was subdued. But it was still there.

Two years may have lessened the pain, but it most definitely didn’t mute it.

It wouldn’t surprise him if Luffy had suppressed the emotions while he trained with the Dark King. That he concentrated on becoming stronger _because it was the only thing he could do._

(Law was all too familiar with that sensation. What was he about to _finally_ do after all?)

Luffy had wandered off to the spot he always sat at (when he wasn’t pestering the other captain): atop the lion. Law let his gaze wander back to the door and expected Zoro to emerge. But, nothing.

_Why?_

The door remained shut, and it honestly baffled him. Taking Zoro’s… protectiveness into consideration, he would have made a bet that the man would come out and… well, do _something._ Even if it was standing by his captain’s side silently.

Law glanced back towards the figurehead, seeing the usually rambunctious and loud captain quietly – _sullenly_ almost – looking out to sea.

He looked haunted.

(Law understood that all too well, too.)

(There was a reason he took longer watches. A reason why he always cut the others’ short. It wasn’t as if he was doing anything else anyway, so he might as well take advantage of that.)

Something told him that, while this wasn’t a frequent occurrence for Luffy, it was at least common enough. This wasn’t the first time this happened.

And it probably wouldn’t be the last.

(Maybe that was why the swordsman didn’t show up. Because this happened before?)

Certainly, this was the first time this had happened when he was aboard the Sunny, but… Law just… he _knew._

Seeing Luffy quiet, it was mesmerising in some twisted, convoluted way. It made him wonder. It made him think. And so he just stared, for some time.

(He wasn’t wholly distracted however. He _did_ have a job to do after all.)

Eventually he wondered if he should approach the other. If he was even _welcome_ to, considering Luffy didn’t seem to want to talk to his crewmates about this.

(Maybe, just maybe _because_ he wasn’t a Strawhat he would be welcome. Because they both were captains. Because Luffy wasn’t _obligated_ to him. That Luffy, at the base of it, didn’t want to appear weak in front of those he was supposed to protect.)

Law had to quickly stomp that thought out before it lit something.

He knew that he had been harsh on Luffy lately, and even if it weren’t for Zoro’s prodding and interference, he would have ended up at this point _anyway._ Zoro just gave him a reason to give in. So, he’d let the swordsman take the credit for the change in his behaviour.

(Because, if he was to be honest, Luffy _was_ getting to him. He was afraid he’d give in, and ignoring the other captain wasn’t working, so he had to push him away instead.)

At least simply saying no was enough. He didn’t know what he’d do if it wasn’t. (The guy was _still_ trying, but at least he could mostly ignore that.) He needed to keep Luffy at a distance. Keep _himself_ at a distance.

Trafalgar Law didn’t have friends. Trafalgar D. Water Law did not make friends. He was a man on a mission and nothing else.

And yet… it was unnerving. To see Luffy so… _like this._ Quiet. Reserved. Morose. It wasn’t Luffy at all.

(The Luffy he knew was always laughing and smiling and joking around. Making others laugh at his antics…)

If anything, he would prefer to see the other just as he was on Amazon Lilly: screaming, thrashing, destroying things… over… over _this._

(Even if that was just as painful to hear.)

Against his better judgement, he felt himself itching to get up. To walk over there and just… what exactly? Stand there and look stupid? Be a silent support, or, god forbid, _talk_ to him?

Trafalgar Law most definitely _did not_ comfort people!

(If would be hypocritical of him to, especially considering…)

And yet, he felt himself _rationalising_ this course of action! ‘ _He needs to be on his best game in Dressrosa. You **need** him to be! How can he do that when he’s distracted and distraught over memories of his dead brother?_

Damn him. Damn that strawhat. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking like this! That smile was infectious. That laughter contagious. It made him **crave** it: that _positivity_ – something he hadn’t experienced in _so long._

(He could see _his_ smile, hear those words spoken so passionately…)

Dressrosa. Dressrosa. Avenging Cora-san. Fulfilling his wish. That was it.

They were pirates. They were in an alliance. They were _using_ one another. That’s all it could be. That’s all it _had_ to be.

And yet… he needed Luffy to be in the mission completely. He needed Luffy. He needed help. He couldn’t do this alone. (No matter how hard he tried.) This **had** to succeed! This was his only chance!

(And he couldn’t risk his crew. No, they weren’t strong enough. They were too emotionally invested in him… if _something_ happened to them… No he couldn’t ask them to follow him in this mission…)

…God **damn** it!

With a heavy sigh, the captain of the Heart Pirates stood up and did something he swore he would never do.

He walked over and just… stood there. Looking stupid.

He didn’t know what to say. He had never done this before. 

(No. That was a lie, but that person was somebody he was no longer. That person died along with everybody else. That person was a **good** person.)

It was quiet. There was no shift of clothes, or change in positions. But, Luffy didn’t need his eyes to know that he was here. And Law didn’t need an indication that Luffy knew he was here.

If Luffy wanted to talk, well, he could keep an ear open for him, he supposed.

He wasn’t about to initiate anything. Hell, he didn’t even _really_ know what he was doing. In fact, he kind of didn’t want to do this but…

He **needed** to. Law couldn’t afford to lose. Not when his goal was so close.

_I need to stop him. I need to stop my brother._

Law glanced up, and looked at the stars. He watched them move, he counted them, tried to remember the constellations that Cora-san had taught him…

That one, yes, that was Cora-san’s favourite. And the one that looked like a cow… what was that one called?

“Torao… does it ever get better?”

The question was so _sudden_ and **loud** in the silence between them that it jolted him both mentally and physically. And, when he changed his gaze from the sky towards the other captain…

Luffy was shaking his head rapidly, hands outstretched and shaking as well. Was he embarrassed?

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to – I don’t even know – you don’t have to answer – even if you did or didn’t have one – I’m sorry – I just – I blurted…”

Despite himself, Law could feel a tug at the corners of his lips. How? How could Luffy do this? (Only Luffy could do this) To ask just a heavy question and yet make him smile while doing it? To look so utterly foolish and yet sorrowful at the same time?

It only made him want to answer his question even more. He was _so_ honest it hurt to deny him. 

…Fucking Strawhat.

“Define better.”

And Luffy was still babbling on and apologising before he realised that Law had said something. “H-Huh?”

Law sighed softly and shook his head momentarily but looked at the other captain. “Mugiwara-ya, I said define better. Don’t make me repeat myself again.”

Why? Why was he doing this? Was it _really_ for Cora-san or…?

Thankfully, Luffy spoke up, even if stuttering a little, to distract him from where that trail of thought was going. “I-I…” There were tears glistening in his eyes, and they looked like they were about to brim over, but he ran his arm across his face to prevent that. “Does it ever stop hurting?”

“No.”

“Do you stop missing them?”

“No.”

“Do you stop wanting them back?”

“No.”

Luffy slumped and held his legs. “So it doesn’t get better?”

Law had to shake his head and sigh once more. Luffy was just _so damn_ simplistic at times… Things weren’t always black and white. That wasn’t how the world worked, and considering Luffy was a pirate, shouldn’t he know that by now?

They all weren’t what the Marines portrayed them as.

“It doesn’t stop, because you don’t stop caring about them, Mugiwara-ya.”

When Luffy looked at him with a perplexed expression on his face, Law could only sigh again. Not even bothering to qualm his urges, he jumped up and sat next to the other captain.

“The pain doesn’t stop.”

His parents. Lami. His entire country. Cora-san. He could still remember the way he felt when they died. When he saw their corpses. The burning buildings… or could _hear_ his own cries. 

“You never stop missing them.”

The way he wanted his parents to hold him again. To see Lami smile once more. To hear Cora-san’s laughter… 

“A day never goes by where you want to tell them of your accomplishments. Or show them something. Or see something that they’d like.”

He lived. He lived! He found a cure. There _was_ a cure, look! You were right!

“But, that’s the way your body tells you that you still care. That you loved them – that you still love them.”

_He wasn’t a monster._

His voice was quiet as he explained this, his mood sombre as he remembered. But, he wasn’t finished here, no. He glanced up again, seeing that smile in his mind. “You don’t miss people if you don’t care about them. But… it gets better. Even it’s a morbid way of saying it. You get used to it. Used to the fact they aren’t there anymore. Used to the fact that you can’t talk to them, or share things with them. Used to the fact that you will never see them again. The pain is something you learn to live with. It’s like an injury. At first it will bleed, but it gets better. Scabs form, even if it aches a little… Some days it will twinge, or hurt more than usual, but… it heals even if it leaves a scar.”

_Some scars ran deeper than others though…_

“…Did yours heal?”

Law bristled at that. And honestly? He couldn’t truthfully answer that. He couldn’t. Did his truly heal? He still wanted vengeance. On Doflamingo. On the Marines. On the Government. Did he let his ever heal, or did he keep picking at his scabs until they bled again?

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my place to ask…”

Law sighed.

“It’s just… you remind me a lot of Ace… when we first met. He, he ignored me, pushed me away, but… I pushed on because I was afraid of being alone. It’s the worst thing in the world. And you’re alone.”

Another flinch.

“Tch, you’re reading too much into things Mugiwara-ya.”

He was alone? (He supposed he was, in a sense. He always pushed others away, but that was because…)

“Then where’s your crew? Where’s the bear!”

Another sigh – this boy, honestly! And Bepo again? What was his obsession with his navigator? “Preparing for the next stage. You’ll be seeing them after Dressrosa.” That was the intention anyway…

And, at that, well, Luffy brightened right up. “I’ll get to see the bear! I’ll get to see the bear!” He sung out.

Law felt that tug on his lips again.

There was the sound of the door again, and they both turned towards it to see _Luffy’s_ navigator step out onto the deck.

“Oh, Nami’s out. I suppose that means you’ll be going to bed, right?”

His relief. But Law only shook his head. He wasn’t too sure if he’d be getting back to bed anytime soon. “I can stay out here awhile longer.” And who knew, perhaps Luffy would help distract his mind enough to get _some_ semblance of sleep tonight.

(Honestly, he _did_ miss Bepo. For some reason, he could sleep for _hours_ on him.)

“Yay!”

Thankfully, Luffy stayed away from the heavy topics. Instead the idiot decided to babble on. Something about the constellations and stars and that they were supposedly made of fire and it made him feel closer to Ace when he watched the stars.

And, finally, when Luffy seemed to exhaust himself, Law summoned a _Room_ and got Luffy back into his cot.

The last thing he needed was to be seen with Luffy falling asleep on his shoulder. ( _Especially_ with Nami around. She’d probably take a picture and blackmail him or something.)

Trafalgar Law didn’t comfort people after all.


	2. 4.5 Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Insomnia had gotten the better of me yesterday so I waited until my brain could function to do the final edit of this chapter. Oh, and if you haven’t noticed I’m titling the chapters where they take place in correlation to Guardian’s chapters!

What was with him? What was going on in that _idiot’s_ head right now? Even then…

_His vision was swimming, his body throbbing, but Law knew. Oh he knew just where he was and who was around him. He couldn’t make out everything but Luffy was there. And Zoro and that samurai and Joker was rapidly approaching and…_

_The click of the gun made him freeze. A gun. A gun. What kind of **fucking** joke was this? A fucking **gun?** Law could only morbidly wonder if that was the very gun that killed Cora-san…_

_Did that bastard know? **What** did he know even? How much information did he figure out after the fact?_

_There couldn’t be any way that he knew._

_So why? **Why** did Joker used a god damned **gun** right now? It made absolutely no sense, unless the jerk was just some narcissistic–_

_** Bang! Bang! Bang! ** _

_“ **Torao!** ”_

Why? Why had he screamed out like that? Was it just a reflex…?

Although right now, even though Luffy’s voice was echoing in his mind, the only thing his ears could hear was that bastard’s laughter, his taunting voice, and could he just fucking shut up for a minute?

Interrogation. Gloating. Bragging.

_And he once looked up to this asshole? Pathetic._

All the Strawhats needed to do was destroy the factory… Destroy it and leave.

(Then his dream. Cora-san’s dream… it would be accomplished. Kaido would… Joker would…)

God, his body… it was on fire. His chest was screaming at him where the bullets sat. And his muscles protesting everywhere from the beatings and kicks…

His energy levels depleted. Certainly Joker and his damned seastone cuffs were to blame for that, but Law hadn’t helped himself either by exhausting himself by utilising his powers to such extents…

(And that damn insomnia of his…)

Doflamingo really wasn’t making any sense and Law was sick of his gloating anyway, so he just let himself waver on the verge of unconsciousness. Certainly he’d pay attention and reply when Doflamingo kicked him. (Although giving smart ass replies as well. Couldn’t the bastard see he was trying to sleep here?)

He’d brag too, at times. Because once the factory was destroyed… Joker was finished. Kaido would exact his revenge and…

Cora-san. He would be avenged. His dreamed obtained…

He just needed to buy more time, and if he had to be a punching bag for Doflamingo to do so, so be it.

(The guy was an egotistical prick who underestimated people after all.)

.xxx.

…Again, what the ever loving **fuck** was that **idiot** doing!

This was wrong, this was all wrong. No. No. He wasn’t **supposed** to be here! That **idiot** wasn’t supposed to come back for him!

Why? **Why?**

They were just allies! The Strawhats were supposed to…

“You shouldn’t have any reason to be here Mugiwara-ya!”

**_Why?!_ **

Why was Luffy here? Why was he **glad** that he was alive?

Luffy **wasn’t** supposed to act like his crew! That was the whole **purpose** of his alliance! He needed somebody who wasn’t attached to him!

_All Luffy did was pester him. Hell, the boy virtually had been **stalking** him lately. Whining and pestering him… And ignoring him wasn’t working. He could also feel the glare of that one yellow eye at his back. But then again, since **when** did Zoro approve of anything he did?_

He thought he had made it clear to Luffy that…

_Shit. This is because of last night, isn’t it?_

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

(And yet, _still_ Law couldn’t fathom the logic behind Luffy’s actions. So what? He talked to the idiot. What of it? It didn’t mean that idiot had to go **fight** for him, or **destroy a damn palace** for him. What was the fucking **point** of doing _any_ of that? Of _this?_ For fuck sakes!)

They all had their respective jobs, and that **damn idiot** wasn’t doing his!

(Of course, Luffy, or even the rest of the crew, never knew what **his** job truly was. No, of course they didn’t. He never told them that he would be the decoy. And maybe **this** was why he never did.)

_And you’re alone._

Was that it? Did Luffy _really_ think that their god damned talk and his actions here was going to **do** anything? He had told the fool time and time again that they weren’t friends. Hell, he even yelled at him that they weren’t allies anymore either.

(And of course he fucking negated it.)

They weren’t nakama. They weren’t even _friends_ and yet this fool was convinced they were.

He was delirious. So fucking delirious. They were just two pirates working towards a common goal! And even _that_ was sort of a sham. Well, not fully. They just had different goals which required the same action plan.

Luffy just didn’t know that Law wouldn’t be there for part two was all.

Law had already accomplished what he wanted. (Well, _almost._ If only that idiot would **stick to the fucking plan!** )

Law wanted Doflamingo to fall. To die.

And well, Doflamingo was a good way to aggravate and take down Kaido.

Two birds with one stone.

So why the fuck was this idiot doing his idiotic things and babbling off about _friendship_ when he had a fucking task to do?

Why couldn’t he just _leave_ him here like any other pirate would? Why couldn’t he just ignore him and the fact that his life was in peril, or that Doflamingo was on the verge of torturing him and…

Why? Why did this **bastard** ruin **everything** and risk so much just to save **him?**

(He wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t anybody important. The government ignored him. Doctors rejected him. Humanity discarded him. Only Cora-san. Only Cora-san cared…)

Yes, perhaps Trafalgar Law was alone.

He preferred it that way. It was easier this way. He could do some stupid shit in order to get things done. To accomplish his goals.

That was why he ignored Luffy. Why he pushed him away.

(And yet _why_ did he go up to Luffy last night…?)

Trafalgar Law _didn’t_ care.

No. No that was so Luffy was on his best game.

(So why did his heart lurch when Doflamingo retaliated against Luffy?)

So he did what he did best: Push the idiots away.

(Unfortunately, Luffy seemed to be immune to that.)

Even to god damned death threats.

.xxx.

They were alive. _He_ was alive. They attacked Doflamingo and he let them live.

(Even if only to make them pawns in his game.)

Trafalgar Law _wasn’t_ supposed to live.

Dammit! Dammit! No! This _wasn’t_ how it was supposed to go! They _weren’t_ supposed to take down Doflamingo!

Shit. Shit. Even if they got out of this…

_Kaido wasn’t going to go after Joker…_

Dammit! Damn that Strawhat! He _ruined_ everything! Doflamingo was supposed to _die_ dammit! He was supposed to feel that _terror_ of knowing he had both the government _and_ an emperor after him!

What was he supposed to do now?

(He was pissed off. He was confused.)

Trafalgar Law was supposed to have a plan.

But how can one plan after one plans to die? How was he supposed to _foresee_ this?

(He was honestly surprised that Doflamingo hadn’t just killed him outright. He supposed that the bastard _had_ been interrogating him prior to their impromptu interruption…)

Nothing was going according to plan…

(Although, he supposed it had gone foul from the start…)

And perhaps _that_ was why he was taking it out on Luffy.

He was frustrated. He was at a loss. He was dead weight.

And those were things that Trafalgar Law _never_ was.

.xxx.

It had been _so_ long…

As Luffy carried him, as the group of annoying but powerful people sided with Luffy, as things seemed to be continually growing in their favour…

Law began to think that _maybe_ , just _maybe_ Luffy might do it.

It was the same sort of feeling that he originally felt around the other captain back on Punk Hazard. Why Law had even considered allying himself with the idiot. There was just this _something_ about him that made the impossible suddenly seem possible.

Certainly, Law hadn’t bargained on Luffy’s appearance on Punk Hazard. Nor had he thought up this plan on a whim. No it was set in place, and Luffy had… just conveniently been there when he had been close enough to start considering enacting it.

(No. No. Trafalgar Law _didn’t_ hope.)

That feeling was long gone. It had been torn from him when the government burned down Flevance. It had been restored, once, yes, but only momentarily. Before it had been even more violently ripped from his hands. By Joker. By Vergo. By… By…

Trafalgar Law _couldn’t_ hope. Not after everything.

(And yet… yet this fool….)

It wasn’t that he hoped, no. It was sheer suicide after all, but it was better to die trying than to take it lying down.

(There was no other way out anyway.)

“Doflamingo is mine!”


	3. 6.5 Smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, insomnia plus hectic life struck again. (I was far too busy Thursday, and I needed to correct my sleep schedule last night on top of being tired still) But here we go.

Perhaps the only reason he managed to sleep so well was due to the fact that he had passed out due to exhaustion and a physical necessity.

When he woke up however, he didn’t exactly realise that.

He had no clue how long he slept.

He was tired – that was usual – but there was _something_ different about it. It was more of a bodily exhaustion as opposed to the mental exhaustion that always accompanied him with every waking moment of his life.

(In fact, it actually _seemed_ like it was _gone_ which was quite unusual indeed.)

The exhaustion ran deep, as if he could feel it in his very bones.

The only thing he could think of was that the probability of his overusing his powers was high.

It wasn’t just that. Certainly, yes, he didn’t _want_ to move a muscle and just go back into that fog that was sleep, there was…

He knew if he moved a muscle, his body would probably yell at him.

Maybe not now, but most definitely later. The lethargy that wasn’t related to the overuse of his powers was more than likely due to some injuries of some sort. But, despite the fact that Law wasn’t about to lay around and do nothing when he wasn’t too certain on his relative safety (passing out did that to ones memory), Law knew he had to get up. A deep sleep like that was a rarity and Law wasn’t foolish enough to think he could get back to sleep like that.

(The last thing he needed was a nightmare when he didn’t even know where he was.)

So Law sighed and moved his hand to run it through his hair before-

His arm wouldn’t move.

(Now _that_ was unusual. Most times he had an injury he could still-)

_The pain. He recalled screaming and oh God…_

_The Birdcage. Laughter. Mocking. Luffy. The Gun… Dressrosa._

_Luffy._

With a groan, Law pushed himself upright with his good arm. Then he moved his head to look at his right arm. It was bandaged. Ah right… didn’t the little princess do that or something? He could also feel the stitches – that was a good sign. It was still mostly numb and tingling, but again, that was better than nothing.

He supposed he might even be able to _will_ it to move too if he put a conscious effort into it, although that may do more harm than good. Perhaps he should wait until he subconsciously could move it before trying anything.

While severed limbs were his specialty, _at least_ the limbs he severed could be easily reattached.

He already had a few ideas on helping improve the rate of healing the limb, but…

He’d wait until he knew he could expend the energy.

Because he also knew, just due to the stiffness in his limbs, there was more pain to come. Who knew what the full extent of his injuries was? (He was certain that the little princess had worked on more than just his arm as well, although the majority of the treatment went to that.)

He most definitely wasn’t looking forward to when that sweet, numbing fog effect of sleep wore off.

He took in his surroundings: They were in a house of some sort and it was quiet inside due to the dampening effects of the walls. (He could hear sounds and murmurings outside.) They were probably also being quieter than normal for those who were still recovering.

He could also remember being successful to some degree. (He didn’t even _get_ to kill Doflamingo then and there and Luffy had even allowed him that chance and… _fuck!_ )

So, theoretically they _were_ safe. The bandages he had on had been changed at least once, he had no shackles on him, and there even was food nearby. So on the plus side: they had not been caught by the marines.

It only made him wonder just how long he had lain unconscious.

And by they he had meant him and Luffy. (The other captain was out cold nearby, and he didn’t need to sense him to know that. No he was loudly snoring off to the side. Not that he actually saw him. Part of him didn’t want to.)

And, of course, not just Luffy either. No, that annoying, bull headed swordsman of his was in the house with them too. He also hadn’t looked in his direction, but he could _feel_ that gaze on him, and hear the swishing of his alcohol as he tipped it back.

Law ignored him too.

Things had most definitely not turned out as planned. In fact, things probably went the complete _opposite_ of that. The question remained: Was he happy about it?

Trafalgar Law didn’t know. Trafalgar was _supposed_ to know, dammit!

Joker had been taken down and dethroned, as he had wanted. But not in the _way_ he wanted. Sure he had been stopped. Probably even arrested at that. And he even got to see the bastard fall.

He supposed that was what Cora-san had always wanted…

(But what about what _he_ wanted? That bastard was supposed to **pay** dammit! Pay with his **life** and know what it was like to **fear!** He killed Cora-san!)

And while, yes, Law was unable to see the actual fall… he had been content. Content in knowing that Doflamingo would pay and fear and die… that Kaido would torment and chase him before killing him…

That _eventually_ he would be stopped.

So… what now?

This… Doflamingo… it was his purpose. His reason for living. He planned to sacrifice **everything** for this. He was supposed to die all those years ago anyway… _So_ many times over. He was a man who, despite the odds, slipped away time after time, was destined to die before he even reached sixteen. Die due to the disease that ate away at his body.

But he lived.

Cora-san. Cora-san.

That was the man who saved him. And that was the man he lived for.

The man he planned to die for.

(It was his fault that he died after all. In some respects anyway…)

Trafalgar Law wasn’t supposed to be alive right now.

No, not after challenging Doflamingo in his own playground. He had every expectation to die in the process. He had been prepared and willing to sacrifice his life if it meant that he would drag Joker down with him.

But Mugiwara-ya didn’t let him.

For a second time in his life he had escaped inevitable death.

(Perhaps there was more. Like his home town, or the birdcage with Cora-san, but he only counted the disease and now. One was just a fact of life and the other was of his own doing. Where he faced death, knowing it was the result and his fate. Flevance and the Birdcage were just results of his sheer luck and the stupidity of those hunting him.)

And both times. **Both** times he had been saved by somebody who decided to do it on their own accord. Who did it without him asking to. With him trying and **failing** to push them away.

This time, however, he had no reason. He couldn’t find one.

He had made his arrangements… he did what he had to… and yet… _yet_ he had still been saved.

Again: _what now?_

He didn’t expect to survive this. He dedicated his entire life to this moment, and now that it was achieved, he was lost.

Trafalgar Law _never_ got lost.

_Do you get lost like Zoro does too?_

That damned Strawhat.

He found his eyes wandering towards the peaceful form. He found them narrowing. He was angry.

At least that was _one_ thing Trafalgar Law tended to be.

Because this wasn’t supposed to have happened! He wasn’t supposed to be sitting here right now and glaring at this fucking idiot and—

“I would’ve figured you’d be happy.”

Law snapped his head towards the swordsman. (He shouldn’t have done that, he thought as his muscles screamed at the sudden motion.)

“Shut up!”

Thankfully, it seemed the moss-head actually had some brains in there and kept silent.

It helped though, that momentary lash, it sated his initial anger enough for him to calm down. He was able to soften his gaze a little as he looked at the younger captain.

What was it, he wondered, that made Luffy who he was? He knew the boy from the inside out, but none of that told of his soul or spirit. The thing that brought everybody together. The thing that saved people, even if they denied they wanted saving. The boy was idiotic, stupid even, and yet… there just was _something_ about him. Was it the D? Or was it something else altogether?

He drew others towards him without even trying.

**What now?**

_I was afraid of being alone._

Law didn’t forget those words either. The words that Luffy had spoken to him that night he had dreamt of Ace. (Was it still last night, or more than that by now?)

When Luffy had told him what he was most afraid of…

No, Law couldn’t forget that. It… _meant_ something. Trust perhaps? (And Law wasn’t the type of person to utilise that sort of thing against an ally, or even a comrade. Perhaps if they became utmost enemies, like Doflamingo was to him but… he doubted such a thing would occur.)

It started something it shouldn’t have.

Despite himself. Despite _how_ much Law tried, or how much he denied it…

Luffy kept coming back, and Law wanted him to.

(Trafalgar Law wasn’t supposed to.)

What was it? Was it that he saw Cora-san in Luffy? Despite all their differences, did he see the similarities and parallels? 

(Certainly, Law wouldn’t be able to handle two of _either_ of them!)

Perhaps… but Luffy was still such a… _unique_ individual.

Law wouldn’t deny that he hated Luffy however. At least at this moment. He hated him for what he did. What he was doing to him even now just _laying_ there unconscious. It frustrated him.

Something told him the Strawhat would never cease to annoy him.

They were quite opposite when it came to things after all. He was cold and calculating. Meticulous. A plotter. Luffy on the other hand was warm and random. Spontaneous and instinctive.

They _did_ have their similarities however, otherwise their alliance wouldn’t have worked. (Whether or not one called this a success was up to debate.)

But Luffy frustrated him. Angered him. Luffy wasn’t predictable. It created chaos in his otherwise organised life and he didn’t know what to do with it anymore.

What to do with Mugiwara no Luffy.

_**What now?** _

Especially now that he was at the end of the rope he had tied for himself. He had no plans. No points of action. No nothing. He hadn’t planned for this.

He hadn’t even a will or purpose to keep going…

But he **had** to keep on going. He knew that his crew would have accepted his death if it was facing somebody like Doflamingo, but a clear-cut suicide?

He couldn’t do that to them.

_I was afraid of being alone._

Nor could he do that to Luffy either. The boy fought so hard to rescue him (but not being patient enough to wait for the keys to his cuffs. As long as he was alive, right?) and Law couldn’t slap him in the face like that.

_Shishishishishi, so that means we’re nakama, right?_

He felt his lips twist as the voice rang in his head.

Now, Trafalgar Law wasn’t supposed to smile _or_ have friends but…

“I suppose it does, Mugiwara-ya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or the alternate title:
> 
> 6.5 Friendship.
> 
> (I JUST COULDN'T TITLE IT THAT BECAUSE IT WOULD GIVE AWAY THE ENDING)


	4. 7.5 Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so much longer than intended ahahahaha! I hope you enjoyit!

Joker… Doflamingo…

Law had to admit: he was still angry – no frustrated was a better word – at Luffy. Luffy had screwed everything up. Luffy had changed his plans. Luffy had **saved** him.

Luffy made the impossible possible. He had made something that Law had thought was beyond even their combined grasps obtainable.

Yes he was grateful but…

People said revenge was bittersweet, but that wasn’t this. No. Law felt empty because…

_What else was there to do?_

He knew people would say for him to live, to be free and make his own choices, to go with the flow of life and see where it took him but…

Trafalgar Law didn’t know how to do that.

His life had always been ruled by something outside of his control. Illness and fate. Doflamingo and vengeance.

And now… now he was _free_ and he didn’t know what to do with this newly gained freedom.

Trafalgar Law always had a plan.

And yet he didn’t.

“Torao!”

Law startled at the screaming rubber _thing_ that came flying at him and toppled him over.

“A-Ahk!”

Luffy… only Luffy…

“Hello Mugiwara-ya.”

Ignoring him would get Law nowhere, so he might as well just accept it. Accept Luffy for who and what he was. Accept his antics, however annoying and cumbersome they were…

“Didja hear? Our bounties are matching! Shishishi. I wish he saved your poster though… it probably looked cool…”

Oh by the… was this fucking supernova _pouting?_

(Over his fucking bounty poster no less!)

“Don’t worry, I’m sure my crew saved one. That is, _if_ Zou gets news coos.”

And that pout faded into his expression of unadulterated joy. “Yay! What do you think the picture was? Could it be…”

Off that idiot went again with his hypothetical tangents…

.xxx.

To be honest, Trafalgar Law wasn’t too certain just _what_ he was expecting.

That it was supposed to get better overnight? That he was supposed to be cured of an ailment that plagued him for over a decade? That he was supposed to be completely fine simply because he achieved his goal?

(Well, no, that was _far_ from his original expectations but…)

Every **god damned** time he closed his eyes…

_He could hear that laughter. See that grin. Feel the bullets as they entered his chest. His arm would start screaming echoes of when it was severed from him. Cora-san and his last smile. The sound of **those** bullets…_

He’d never sleep like this…

It was extremely frustrating because he knew that rest was the best treatment for him. He was still exhausted from the overuse of his powers on Dressrosa and the injuries he sustained there. Not to mention he was still using his powers over the course of the day to promote the healing of his arm.

(Luffy’s curiosity on the actions was rather… amusing actually.)

_“Torao? What are you doing?” Luffy asked with wide eyes as he pointed at his hand._

_Said hand was hovering above the injured area, a blue sphere around it._

_“Promoting the healing process.” He explained neutrally. “Increasing the blood flow and circulation.”_

_Luffy made a strange expression – as if he was trying to figure something out unsuccessfully. “But… you’re moving it right? So it’s better?”_

_Law had to sigh. Luffy was just **so** naïve… “Even though I can still move it, the limb is slow and it’s still fairly numb.” He flexed the arm, demonstrating the slowness of the motions. “I can **feel** things still, but it’s like my arm is asleep. That tingling sensation when you lay on it for too long…” He paused and took a breath. “It wasn’t just a cut Mugiwara-ya. Nerve endings and tendons were severed, and while that little princess’ devil fruit ability repaired what probably could not have done naturally, there is still much to do. And if I don’t do this the tissues could become necrotic – die – and I will have to cut the limb off **again** to prevent infection.”_

_Luffy’s eyes looked like they were spinning. (What was he to expect?) “I don’t think I could ever become a doctor. Too much mumbo jumbo to remember…”_

_“…I think that’s for everybody’s benefit Mugiwara-ya.”_

_He wouldn’t want to know what it was like if Luffy, of all people, had to fix him up…_

He sighed and took off his hat before running his hand through his hair. He supposed he could just go out and take a watch shift? Sure, he wasn’t necessarily included in them but…

He didn’t have anything else to do.

“Trafalgar? We said you could sleep.”

He shrugged as one of the Barto Club members addressed him.

“It’s fine, you can head to bed of you want. I’m not somebody who takes pleasure in letting others do all the work.”

That was a truth, but not the whole truth. At least it was acceptable and understandable and the pirate nodded before yawning and heading off to bed.

Dressrosa was far beyond the horizon by now, but Law looked for it anyway.

Doflamingo was defeated and yet…

But he had said it himself, didn’t he? It took time to heal his wounds, and he was still bleeding.

.xxx.

For some reason Luffy was clingier than usual.

Well – no – maybe? Ah, fuck it! Law couldn’t decide. There were too many factors to take into considerations to tell one way or another. Regardless it didn’t really fucking matter. He was allowing it.

It was just one more thing he had to accept about Mugiwara no Luffy.

Luffy would talk about some mundane thing like the weather and then what he did on a day like this. Sometimes he’d talk about fishing and the fish he caught once upon a time. And sometimes he’d just stare and watch him as he worked on his arm. Silently. (It was almost creepy.)

The one thing Luffy never did, however, was leave his side. He was always leaning against him. Or hugging him. Or laying on his lap, or…

Clingy, see?

.xxx.

“Did you meet Sabo?”

His voice was hushed and the young supernova stared up at him.

It was relatively quiet around them and the sun was starting to set. Everybody was otherwise preoccupied (including that swordsman which was odd) with tasks such as fishing or reading or training or whatnot. It was more or less a private conversation.

Law had to shake his head. “I was unconscious just as you were when he came to visit. I believe I saw a glimpse or two of him on Dressrosa though. He’s… your brother, isn’t he?”

He had to restrain himself from add in a ‘too’. Their conversation on the Thousand Sunny was still all too pungent in his mind. It wasn’t something he was really willing to revisit right now…

“Yeah… I thought he died all those years ago and… I find out that he’s alive and well…” Law glanced to see this unusual smile on Luffy’s face. It was almost heartbreaking. “I’m just so glad. And he has Ace’s fruit and…” He laughed and brought his arm up to his eyes.

“I’m glad Torao. I’m just so glad.”

And like that, that expression was gone, replaced by this pure happiness.

It only baffled him just how this boy could change emotions so quickly.

“Thing worked out in your favour.” Law replied quietly. It was the only thing he could think of saying. He just didn’t know what to say.

And Luffy, oh he made that usual sound of confirmation, still smiling. “We got Ace’s fruit, and saved you, and beat Mingo’s ass!”

…So Luffy saw it that way too? (He supposed it was true from Luffy’s perspective. Doflamingo had captured him after all…)

“I can’t wait to meet him again! We have so much catching up to do!”

(Luffy just didn’t know to _what_ extent he had saved him… He didn’t know what Law was planning or thinking… so _yes_ Luffy had saved him, just in a bigger way than he thought. But…)

_What now?_

(He still hasn’t figured that out yet.)

.xxx.

To say it surprised him would be a lie. To say it was unexpected was also doubtful.

If anything, Law found it unusual that it hadn’t happened the night before.

“Torao? What are you doing up?”

Luffy. That’s what.

And that’s who was talking to him. He could feel that worried gaze on him. Could sense it. Could almost hear the question:

_Are you still bleeding?_

(Of course, who knew just _how_ he’d phrase it. Luffy was unusually perceptive after all. He didn’t doubt the other captain suspected that it wasn’t just a conversation that kept him up all those nights ago…)

“Night watch.” Law replied neutrally. It was the truth after all. Just like the night before…

He wasn’t about to admit that he couldn’t sleep. Wasn’t about to admit that he could still hear that bastard’s laughter in his head. Not to Bartolomeo’s crew. Not to Luffy.

“Didn’t Rooster-head say we don’t have to worry about that?” Luffy huffed.

Why? Why was he huffing? It wasn’t like it bothered him or anything… It was _him_ doing the night watch, not Luffy.

Law sighed. Something told him too that Luffy wouldn’t accept the same excuse he provided that pirate last night: that he didn’t want to be a free-loader. In fact, Luffy would probably just go off on a tangent that he deserved to and needed rest and relaxation and he didn’t have to do night watches and…

(Which was complete bull shit. Well having to after all.)

And he trusted Luffy, he did, but this just…

It wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. It wasn’t something he was ready or willing to discuss and…

_There was the fact that Luffy had saved him._

It was Luffy who defeated his demons. Luffy who had avenged Cora-san for him. Luffy who had stopped Doflamingo – the man who killed his hope, the man who wanted him dead simply for the sake of immortality. Luffy who had prevented his death even though he attempted it.

Luffy, Luffy, Luffy.

Luffy had done everything in his power to help and assist and save him. And it was Luffy who would worry at what he would describe and…

_It would be insulting him._

Because Luffy had _done so much for him_ and he was repaying this kindness with only hurting his body more by not sleeping.

(Because if defeating his demons didn’t work… _what_ would?)

Law didn’t admit his insomnia on _that night_ and he sure as hell wasn’t about to now…

It _wasn’t_ a matter of trust. No, it was a matter of preference.

…Trust?

…If there was _one_ thing that damned Strawhat _didn’t_ ruin…

It was that Trafalgar Law was an opportunist. He was meticulous and knew how to answer a question truthfully and hide what he wanted to hide.

“It isn’t very relaxing knowing that complete strangers are in charge of my safety Mugiwara-ya.” Law leaned back, relaxing and concealing the recent thoughts that rampaged through his mind. “Certainly they vowed to protect _you_ , but I’m not on that list. I don’t have complete faith in their capabilities to ensure my well-being while I’m unconscious.”

(Sleep implied dreams, and, well… Law preferred unconsciousness over sleep any night. Even tonight he had woken up with a start and a cold sweat and _that laughter_ ringing in his ears.)

“Especially after the incident with the hail.”

Luffy laughed at the last comment. “But that was _fun_ Torao!”

Trafalgar Law _didn’t_ scoff. “Drowning isn’t my preferred way of death Mugiwara-ya.” No, his voice was just an annoyed droll, that was all. “Remember, we can’t swim.”

“Shishi, you’re too serious sometimes Torao.”

Trafalgar Law _did_ resist an eye roll however. “Better than not being serious enough.” Instead he shrugged before glancing at Luffy when silence ensued.

And Luffy, well he walked up to a railing and just stared. Out to the sea like he did before. Up at the stars that reminded him of his late brother.

“I still miss him.”

(This. This was what was not surprising. Law knew, oh he knew that _something_ had awoken this young, naïve, happy captain tonight. And he had high suspicions on _what_ only to be confirmed on yes, this was it.)

“Ace. But then I think of what you said and I remember that I’ll never stop missing him.”

Law tore his gaze away. That damn Strawhat, reading more into his actions than he should have… He hadn’t done that for Luffy’s sake!

“You’re a good friend Torao.”

And there it was again, that soft laughter, that chuckle that was so typical of Mugiwara no Luffy, and Law knew that if he glanced over the other would be grinning up a him, those dark eyes light up with that laughter…

“Sabo misses him too, but… he’s glad. He’s happy that I lived.”

(Sabo, yes Sabo. He knew that was the cause for _this_ nightly disturbance.)

Law could hear the way Luffy clutched tightly at the railing.

“We’re both lucky I guess.” Again, that laughter.

Law sighed – Luffy made him do that a lot didn’t he? – and his hand itched to pull on his hat. He didn’t know what to say, really. Luffy _was_ fortunate… to have somebody come back from the dead like that…

(Nobody from his past could do that, no. Even if Lami had survived the fire, the amber lead would have claimed her by now. And, even if the way his screams echoed out into the cold frigid air wasn’t an answer enough, his conversation with Sengoku would have been the final nail in the coffin…)

“Life works in strange ways.” He finally said.

And that it did. Trafalgar Law was living proof of that after all.

Luffy nodded. “Mmm, and even though it still hurts, I know I’ll be better eventually. Thank you Torao!” He laughed once more and walked off.

Again. Again with the fucking thanks.

Law was never doing anything for Luffy’s sake. He didn’t back in Marineford, and he definitely didn’t do it back on the Thousand Sunny. His hand clenched. It **wasn’t** like that! He hadn’t!

He wanted to yell out at Luffy. To tell him that he had no selfless intentions on _that_ night. That he was just doing it for his revenge. That he was just using Luffy for this. That they _weren’t_ friends.

That Trafalgar Law _didn’t_ deserve thanks.

That Trafalgar Law was just a selfish bastard.

“You’re such a fucking idiot…” He groaned.

He didn’t know if he was talking to Luffy, or himself.


	5. 8.5 Coincidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a LOT of problems with this chapter for some reason sorry >< But here you go! And now I must run of work!

“Torao.”

Luffy had apparently returned from his walk, or whatever it was that he had been doing. There was this tone in his voice; probably worried would be the best word to describe it. Worried and… not quite condescending but he most certainly didn’t approve.

“There’s more than enough people doing watch.”

A walk around the ship it had been then, and of course he chose to notice how many people were doing the night watch. Great. Just great.

“Let’s go to bed?”

A hand was on his shoulder, and if Law shrugged it off, he _knew_ that Luffy would know that something had been bothering him. God damn it, _why_ did he have to start accepting Luffy’s need for physical contact? All he wanted to do was shrug Luffy off, tell him to buzz off and go back to ignoring him. He **didn’t** need this prying right now!

His thoughts had obviously not had nearly enough time to settle since the other had pestered to him last. (He didn’t know how long it had been, why couldn’t it have been longer? Or never?) There still was the anger, but it was starting to settle in towards himself than at Luffy. Because Luffy had thought so highly of him up to now and…

“Please?” Luffy’s lips were next to his ear now. “I always feel better after I sleep.”

Could he just **stop** being perceptive for a minute dammit?

Law swallowed the frustration, feeling his fist clench in the process. “Later.” He managed through grit teeth. “I told you,” there… he was starting to calm down now, “I’m not comfortable with having strangers responsible for my safety. Strangers, which have proven to be incompetent once already.”

Luffy made a booing sound and backed off, muttering something about boring and serious Torao as he left towards the sleeping area.

Once Luffy was out of ear and eye shot he sighed and slumped forward onto the railing.

_Good, that idiot **should** be mad at me…_

Trafalgar Law had never been deserving of kindness and admiration.

It wasn’t fair to pretend he ever had been. Not to Luffy, not to himself. Maybe one day he could become such a man…

But he most certainly wasn’t _then_ and he wasn’t too certain if he even was _now…_

.xxx.

If anybody had been watching them, well it wouldn’t be obvious of their… disagreements from last night. (Could it even be called that? Really he didn’t know. It was just two stubborn people being well… stubborn.)

No, Luffy was still clinging to his side and blabbing off about this or that and making inquiries as he always had.

And he supposed that his own current moods and behaviours and actions were just due to the night before but…

Well he snapped. Over the most mundane and redundant of things. It was stupid, and he knew it then, and knew it now. It was over Bepo, over ‘that bear this, that bear that…’ Over Luffy’s just… Luffy-ness.

It was all he really seemed to want to talk about today, really. For some reason Luffy was fascinated with his navigator. Always had been actually, now that he thought about it. (He had pointed Bepo out before him back at Sabaody for example.) And Law was honestly baffled by it. He had a fucking talking reindeer who was actually a reindeer for crying out loud!

(And he wasn’t _even_ going to touch the nickname thing and how Luffy just assumed…)

At the very least, he managed to keep a relatively cool head about everything aside from one minor outburst. He’d save his arguing for later on if Luffy brought up his damn sleeping habits and night watches again… And so he just dismissed it and allowed Luffy to do whatever the fuck he wanted to do.

He was good at that, at the very least, even while tired.

.xxx.

Law was honestly getting **sick** of this already. Three nights in a row. Three fucking nights in a row. Usually he could get a decent enough sleep within three nights, or at the very least just pass out somewhere. (Then again, that was amongst his crew who _knew_ of his sleeping habits and problems and there was always Bepo and…)

Just what was it? Was it because he had practically re-traumatised himself by going to Dressrosa? That he had seen Doflamingo… talked to… heard… and even gotten beaten up by Doflamingo for the first time in years? By forcing himself to fight his nightmares?

(It had been Cora-san this time. Vergo… The birdcage…)

It was fucking frustrating. Why did sleep have to be **so** damn difficult?

He had walked out again and was just staring out to sea, using his ‘charade’ of taking a night watch shift and he placed his head against the railings. He could feel the weight on his eyelids…he was so tired but…

“…Torao? You’re doing watch again?”

…Luffy?

He sluggishly lifted his head and turned to look at the other. Yes, that was Luffy, he wasn’t hallucinating. Well, that or he was fully hallucinating. Who knew at this point?

…What was he doing up? Certainly he didn’t have _another_ nightmare…

Oh, right he was supposed to answer the idiot.

“It’s something one does nightly Mugiwara-ya.” A shitty excuse and explanation, he knew, but he wasn’t really using his energy to come up with stuff to convince an idiot that he didn’t have a sleeping problem. No, that was used to keep himself awake.

(Stupid, he knew, but he didn’t exactly want to return to nightmares. He was far too exhausted for _that_ drainage.)

Luffy huffed. Oh, he didn’t like Law’s excuse at all it seemed. “There’s more than enough people to rotate Torao!” He put his hands on his hips all haughtily and just looked the _epitome_ of upset. “So you can get some sleep sometimes!”

“Why must you constantly make me repeat myself Mugiwara-ya? I told you I don’t enjoy doing it. Trust issues.” He gestured towards him and a random Barto Club member.

But seriously? What was his problem? Why was Luffy so concerned about this? It wasn’t his body. It wasn’t his problem. It wasn’t his concern.

“Then I’ll stay up.”

…What?

Apparently the blank look in his eyes was very obvious. Enough for somebody as idiotic as Luffy to pick up and read, and he continued. “I said I’ll stay up and watch. You trust me, right? So go to bed.”

_…Are you **fucking** kidding me?_

Why? Why was he doing this? Law didn’t understand. This. Any of this. (His exhaustion wasn’t helping matters either…) But at the same time he just couldn’t _refuse_ Luffy’s offer either. No, because then that’d just be admitting that yes, he couldn’t sleep or didn’t want to, and that the watch was really just a ruse he hid behind and he couldn’t just…

God fucking dammit!

“Fine.” The sigh was probably angrier than it should have been. “I’ll go lay down.”

Lovely. Just fucking lovely. Now he was going to lay down and pretend to sleep and have nothing else to do than to just wander around in his traitorous brain and…

Fucking Mugiwara no Luffy.

.xxx.

The next day, Trafalgar Law truly was a grump.

Not that that was of any sort of unusual. It was just more pronounced than normal. He was irritated and mad and simply just _tired._

So he made a point to avoid _everybody._

He got himself out of bed before Luffy had even woken up, simply used his abilities to eat breakfast (which _really_ wasn’t helping his exhaustion at all) and just did everything he could so that annoying bundle of rubber wouldn’t spot him.

Right now he was off in a secluded area of the ship, the sun beating down at him… really the warmth wasn’t helping either. He really did just want to sleep but…

The last thing he needed was to wake up gasping or screaming with people awake and paying attention or that idiot at his side and…

_God he was just so fucking tired…_

“Torao!”

Of course. Fucking of course. That idiot found him anyway.

“Whatcha doing over here?”

He could only sigh. He was tempted to just hide his head between his knees and pretend this never happened but, no, he couldn’t. “Trying, and _failing_ ,” at the very least, he gave Luffy a glare at that word before continuing, “to get some peace and quiet.”

The idiot made a thoughtful hum before he decided he would sit himself next to Law and continued humming happily.

Great, just fucking great.

And of course he chuckled softly as he _always_ did and leaned, contorting his body in ways that made _him_ mentally cringe just looking at it.

“Torao’s eyes are darker.”

…What the fuck was he on about?

Then the idiot twisted _even more_ and Law couldn’t help the physical cringe now. And his arms moved before thumbs settled beneath his eyes. Seriously, how the fuck…? 

“Here.”

Oh he was speaking now, maybe he should focus on the idiot’s words instead of the _weird_ position that he had gotten himself into.

“It’s so dark. Chopper said dark eyes are bad.”

…Since _when_ did bags under ones eyes become a topic of conversation between Luffy and Chopper, he knew not, but the relevance was becoming quite annoying right now…

But Law shrugged at it. This was easy enough to dissuade the other. At least he hoped. “I’ve had them for a long time Mugiwara-ya.”

(And that he had. Ever since Flevance… that’s when the nightmares started…)

And now that idiot was pouting at him in his weird uncomfortable-looking position. “Well they aren’t good for you. Chopper said so.”

Arg! What was with this boy and telling him what he should and shouldn’t do and his concern and---

“Mugiwara-ya, I’m the doctor here, remember?”

Okay, maybe that was said a bit more forcefully than necessary.

“B-But…”

More fucking pouting.

Law just simply gave him a look however, and thankfully Luffy backed off – on the subject and out of that strange position of him. He was still pouting though before Law decidedly glanced elsewhere, feeling the other now slumped against his side.

It had become quiet.

Sure, Law was thankful that the idiot _finally_ shut up no matter how strange and odd it was but…

Well he wouldn’t say he was _concerned_ but it _was_ unusual for Luffy to be so quiet for so long…

And so he glanced back at the other only to notice that damned Strawhat had fallen asleep against him. Great.

Fucking lovely.

(Well, at least from the eventual snores it _would_ stay relatively quiet…)

It wasn’t as unpleasant as he thought it would be however. Perhaps that was simply because he had grown so accustomed to Luffy’s presence against him that he hardly noticed it.

In fact it was almost…

(Almost what?)

He spared another glance at the sleeping captain.

_You trust me, right?_

What was with this boy…? As the frustration boiled down, Law could feel the exhaustion settling back in… and that sun… it _really_ felt nice right now… it was warm and he was against something soft and…

He didn’t even realise as he drifted off.

.xxx.

A soft sound left him and he brought a hand up to his face, rubbing at it.

“Torao?”

Law jolted at the sound. It wasn’t that it was loud, no. It was just the last thing he was expecting to hear.

Luffy’s voice. Shit, did he fall asleep while Luffy was relaxing against him?

(No—wait… wasn’t that idiot sleeping?)

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

Law mumbled something, but even he wasn’t too certain what he said. He felt himself relaxing against and… _surprisingly_ Luffy was… comfortable. It was like Bepo and…

Numbly, he felt a hand on him.

“If Torao want to sleep some more, he can.” And that damned chuckling again…

Right now he wasn’t too certain whether or not he’d regain some sleep but… rest sounded like a **damn** good idea right now. “Mmm…” he grumbled out, his eyes drifting closed again. He was just comfortable and it was still warm out…

He received even more chuckling in response.

It wasn’t mockery though. No, it was just Luffy.

Now, he wasn’t too certain really how long they sat like that, or even if he had drifted out of consciousness or not, but eventually Law felt that laziness lift away and he gradually sat up properly.

“Torao’s awake now?”

When he turned and looked at Luffy there was just this…. Strange expression on his face. If Law didn’t know better, he might have called it bashful. At the very least, Luffy was happy.

“Ah.” And Law nodded in confirmation.

…And then that idiot tackled him.

“I’m glad! But I mean I’m also glad Torao got some sleep too. You need to sleep more Torao! You’ll feel better!”

(Ah, that was easier said than done Luffy…)

But strangely enough, he didn’t actually remember dreaming… and his sleep was actually _rejuvenating_ for once…

Ah, whatever, he probably just passed out from exhaustion. He did it back on Dressrosa. In fact that was probably the last place he really got a full rest.

And so he just shrugged. Honestly, he couldn’t wait to get back to his crew. There he’d be able to just drag Bepo off somewhere and just… _sleep_ for an extended period of time and nobody would bother him and…

_He actually missed his crew…_

Passing out while against Luffy, that was just a coincidence.

Aside from Bepo, Trafalgar Law **didn’t** sleep against anybody.


	6. 9.5 Cuddling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so I just had to take a week off for a mental break. I was just feeling off and I was so busy and I just didn’t want to worry about having to get a chapter in on time when I hadn’t even started it. That being said: DOUBLE UPDATE THIS WEEK. Yes. And this story is getting near to the end. I already have the next three chapters written. I hope the larger updates last two chapters plus the humongous one next chapter makes up for the shortness of this chapter. (Seriously it’s twelve pages guys. And the one after that is at least ten. And the other one after that is tentatively six but will probably be seven or eight when I’m done with it :3)

It didn’t take him long to discover that despite his denials otherwise: Luffy was quite like Bepo.

(At least in terms of rest and relaxation.)

He tried to dismiss it at first. Part of it, yes, was denial, but mostly it was just a sheer _disbelief._ A disbelief of that, yes, there was more than one person he could fall asleep against. He tried to use exhaustion as an excuse. The fact that he hadn’t slept, or that it was just so damn warm on the ship, or that he didn’t even notice Luffy’s presence because he was so accustomed to it… He used those excuses, but he found that, no.

Because those same feelings of comfort only persisted afterwards. When Luffy was sitting next to him at supper time or otherwise. Law knew that if he had attempted well…

He probably could fall asleep again.

Luffy was comfortable. Luffy was warm. Luffy was _relaxing._ And Law couldn’t help but revel in it. In fact, he found himself _leaning against_ Luffy at times. Sometimes his arm would move to Luffy’s back to stabilise him…

And it only made him wonder: _why?_

Why was it Luffy? What was it with Luffy?

(He could only hear his voice whenever he searched for an answer: _You trust me, right?_ )

Trust? Trafalgar Law wouldn’t deny that. No, he trusted Luffy. There was no way he _couldn’t_ considering everything that Luffy had done for him.

But that wasn’t the main issue here. No, Law understood his trust for Luffy. He accepted it, but _this?_ Yeah, sure, he trusted Luffy enough to do a watch while he slept but…

Sleeping against him? That was a completely different issue altogether. It took something other than trust, or perhaps a _different kind_ of trust that he never felt around anybody but Bepo. One he thought would never repeat itself. (Certainly, he _probably_ trusted Shachi and Penguin in that matter, but… there was that certain something. They weren’t comfortable like Bepo and it would just feel… _weird._ )

So, just _what_ was it with Mugiwara no Luffy? Why was he the exception? (Or would it be the _phenomena?_ ) What made him so… different? What set him apart from the others?

And why? Why, for all those similarities he shared with Bepo, was he so much unlike his navigator?

Whatever they were, well, Trafalgar Law settled on revelling in the sensations for now. He desperately needed the rest after all…

.xxx.

It was hard to really describe it. Describe the way he _was_ around Luffy now. The way his hand would instinctively _react_ to Luffy’s actions. The way he would pat his head if the other captain leaned against his shoulder. Or the subtle, momentary movement of his arm around that rubbery waist. Or that virtually nonexistent squeeze of their hands when Law dragged them away to find a secluded place to rest.

The way that Luffy’s actions would cause happiness and amusement to fill him to the point where he would _almost_ smile or chuckle. The way he would roll his eyes at something incredibly _stupid_ that Luffy had done.

The way his body _urged_ him to reciprocate to Luffy.

He supposed the only way he _could_ describe it was Mugiwara was as comfortable as the seas were warm.

(And they _were_ quite warm right now…)

More often than not, Law found himself falling into that temptation. He would relax, close his eyes, and let his body carry him away into that blissful sleep. (Or, at the very least: a rejuvenating resting state.)

Luffy would encourage it too, and upon realising when Law was on the verge of sleep, he would make himself comfortable before resolutely remaining still. Sometimes those fingers would sift through his hair and while normally Trafalgar Law would **never** allow such a practice to take place, he supposed he _could_ let it slide. This was Luffy, after all, trying to remain still for his sake. So if he had to put up with fingers in his hair in order for some restful sleep, well he supposed he just _had_ to make due.

It wasn’t like Trafalgar Law enjoyed it or anything…

.xxx.

It wasn’t uncommon for Luffy to drift off as well, and, well, Law didn’t blame him. It had to be boring staying still and quiet when the other captain was definitely **not** that. (No he was noisy and rambunctious, always on the go…) Sometimes Luffy would admit it whenever he woke up before Law, but sometimes Law would wake before Luffy, only to see that the other had fallen asleep against him as well.

Those times left him in silent contemplation as he watched the other. Why? He found himself often wandering back to that question. Just _what_ was it?

_How_ could he find relaxation in some captain he hardly knew? _How_ could he simply be okay with that maybe, that what if…

(If Luffy was holding him while the nightmares took hold of him once more…)

He was still **not** ready to admit it to Luffy. No, he couldn’t. Couldn’t tell him that terrors kept him up at night. That he refused to sleep when he knew that was all that was awaiting him if he did. But…

If Luffy happened to find out? Law had found that the pit that had been there was not as deep as before. That, while it was something he really preferred not to talk about…

If he had no other choice, he wasn’t as opposed to it as before.

But then again, it seemed it _really_ wasn’t something he would seem to have to worry about because whenever he was with Luffy… there was just this _calming_ aura that the other emitted. It relaxed him, it made him dismiss all of his worries and feel that he could just… _sleep._

It was just like Bepo.

And he never recalled ever having a nightmare when he rested on Bepo.

The nights however, well they were hit and miss. He still found himself waking up from time to time with a cold sweat and tremors wracking his body, his pulse racing. But sometimes though, he found himself moving closer to where Luffy slept instead of going out on the charade of watches. And while he may not have always returned back to sleep, at least it calmed his nerves as he watched the stars listening to the other captain snoring nearby and within his calming aura.

And Law knew, too, that he had been changing. He was not the same man he had been before. Still he was at a loss on what to do next with his life, but he wasn’t as hopeless and lost as before. Uncertain, yes, but not completely lost.

And Zoro, too, had been treating him differently. Perhaps because it was becoming obvious that hurting Luffy was the last thing he wanted to do.

(Was that why he refrained from snapping at Luffy that night? That it would hurt him because the person that Law was on the Sunny was cold, callous, and conceited, and Luffy thought differently? That it would be painful to hear? That learning those good, positive traits that Luffy believed him to have weren't truly there - or at the very least were just merely hints? That it was those negative, grim traits that dominated his personality instead?)

“Torao?”

Luffy made a noise and sleepily rubbed at his eyes. “Did you sleep enough? You’re making that thinking face again…”

Why? The first thing Luffy thought about upon waking up…

Law’s lips twitched into the barest smiles – Luffy was making him do that lately. “Yeah.”

And then that face beamed. “I’m glad. Torao really needs to sleep more.” And he moved, stretching his body a bit and moved closer to Law.

(Law didn’t know what the fuck happened but…)

His brain just stopped working for a moment while those dark eyes roamed his face.

When Luffy pulled away, he found he could breathe again, and Luffy was laughing softly, those dark eyes sparkling with amusement and happiness…

“Your eyes aren’t as dark anymore.”

He felt himself exhale – it wasn’t a sigh but something else he didn’t quite understand. “Sleeping does that.” He stated neutrally.

And Luffy kept laughing softly. “Good. Just means I gotta hang around you more!”

Goodness… just **what** had he gotten himself into?

.xxx.

“Torao?”

He made a disgruntled sound of recognition.

“I’m sorry I’m bugging you right now but… I’ve been wondering… when I wake up in the mornings you always seem nearby. Why?”

Law sighed. He supposed he had to put up with this sort of thing every now and then. Especially since he was inconveniencing Luffy by sleeping on him…

“I dunno.” He knew he was slurring his words together, but right now he really didn’t care about that. “I sleep better ‘round you. It’s like Bepo.”

“The bear?!”

Law groaned. He shouldn’t have mentioned Bepo, he really fucking shouldn’t have. Luffy became so excited anytime Bepo was mentioned and it was… well it was annoying. Because whenever Bepo was mentioned it was all Luffy ever wanted to talk about. Especially right now because Law just wanted to sleep and was already grumpy from being woken up from his half-asleep state and if Luffy wanted to start yet another god damned round of interrogation about Bepo…

“You sleep on Bepo too?”

Law groaned some form of confirmation and just moved to get comfortable.

(He **wasn’t** snuggling Luffy! The idiot was just getting excited and ruining his original comfortable spot and the light was getting in his eyes and he shouldn’t have fucking mentioned Bepo and now he wasn’t going to get **any** sleep and…)

(Trafalgar Law **didn’t** cuddle people!)

“He’s comfortable. Unlike **you** right now…”

“Ah! I’m sorry Torao! I’ll stop moving.”

…There, that was better. And Luffy actually shut up about Bepo for once... He found himself grinning in triumph as he drifted off again.


	7. 12.5.1 Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the double update! By the way, just a heads up: There are numerous 12.5. Literally. Otherwise I’d give you guys a thirty page update. So this is the first of the 12.5 series xD

Zou was most certainly something else. While he knew the basis of what it was, everything that Bepo had told them was, well, not much. He didn’t remember much of Zou.

Thankfully it was not what the rumours played it out to be, and while things had been rocky and hectic, it was, at least alright. Sure, the cook was missing, and more drama with the Strawhats and their debate with Big Mom (who the fuck did that, by the way?) but they could take a break. At least relatively.

And to say he was relieved to see his crew, well that would be an understatement. (Which surprised him quite a bit. He had been prepared to never see them again. He tried to cut the bonds he held for them internally, and this… longing he had for them was something he had not expected.)

And something told him that his crew knew this. They had been prepared for the worst but hoped for the best.

Despite his efforts, his crew mattered to him, and he did care for them.

(It only reminded him about Luffy and how he pointed out that his crew wasn’t with him and that he had been alone…)

(Luffy, huh?)

Of course his crew assaulted him with questions about Dressrosa, and the alliance with the Strawhats, and what it all meant.

“Let me go introduce you to them…”

.xxx.

To say it was strange not having Luffy at his side, well… that would be admitting the truth.

Before, he knew he had grown so accustomed to Luffy being at his side, he never noticed it anymore, but now…?

Trafalgar Law _almost_ missed it.

Almost.

But it seemed Luffy was respecting the fact that his crew missed him and wanted to catch up with him. Hell, even his crewmates looked at his arm before rebandaging it. They may not be doctors, but they knew enough from assisting him with surgeries.

The stitches itched, but Law knew he would have to leave them in for awhile longer. He didn’t need to _scan_ the area to know that. (Even though he did on a daily basis to investigate the healing progress.)

He glanced over to Luffy to see him laughing and eating with the Minks and enjoying himself. His crew was babbling on around him, hanging off of him before he would shrug them off. He was tempted to just lean against Bepo to stop the idiots from continuing, but at the same time, he somewhat missed their antics, even annoying as they were.

Instead, he decided that he would just grab something. (While moving himself was a rather pointless waste of energy since he could have very well just _shambled_ the stuff over to him it was nice to have a _little_ break from his crew, even if momentary.)

And for some reason, it seemed that his own movement was a cue for Zoro to waltz right over to him. There were silent greeting nods when their gazes met, and it was followed by more silence. At least, until Zoro decided to open his damned mouth:

“Were you planning on leaving Dressrosa alive?”

At those words, Law flinched. He hadn’t been expecting that conclusion so quickly, but he supposed just _who_ was he kidding? No matter the kinship that had formed between the two of them over the course of the week, that warning that Zoro gave him back on the Sunny still stood. And, it didn’t take much for one to figure that out after he said what he had said…

(In fact, it was practically asking to be asked this.)

But Trafalgar Law told the truth after all. Perhaps sometimes he would bend it to suit his needs, but now was not the time for that. And there was just _something_ in the way that Zoro was looking at him right now…

“No, I wasn’t.”

Again, Law _should_ have been expecting that reaction, but when it came to the Strawhats, Trafalgar Law was not doing things that Trafalgar Law should do. (Or doing things that he _shouldn’t_ do, for that matter)

Zoro punched him.

Law hissed in pain, bringing his hand up to his face as the burning sensation took over. His uninjured eye opened as he **glowered** at the other. Fuck, that hurt! Nothing was broken but he most definitely was going to have a shiner in the morning…

It had gone silent.

Oh, people noticed…

Law saw his crew’s reaction – shit they weren’t going to take this lightly were they? Damn fools. (Too emotionally invested, see?)

But, thank god it was Luffy who came up first. That it was Luffy who protested and scolded his crewmate for doing something he didn’t approve of. Because then a war wasn’t going to break out…

(Well, not that Law had any concerns controlling his crew but…)

“Oi! What the **hell** Zoro!?” The young captain was grabbing the offending hand, and those dark eyes…

Law was glad he had never been on the receiving end of that look.

(He had looked at Doflamingo like that…)

“What the fuck did you punch Torao for?!”

Certainly, yes Law was relieved that Luffy had stepped in (it had made his crew step down, and dissuaded their assumption that the Strawhats were rebelling against the alliance) he could only sigh at it. Luffy was angry, and he really _shouldn’t_ be. If anything it should be _he_ who was angry but... he didn’t blame Zoro. (Well, he supposed Luffy could be annoyed at the insubordination, but Luffy probably didn’t even realise that consciously) Zoro had all the reason in the world to want to punch him after being told… And, well if Law had any objection to being hit, he should have said something else. (Law knew the ramifications of his actions _now_ and yeah, he probably deserved it.)

So, Law reached up with his right hand and placed it on Luffy’s arm gently. “Mugiwara-ya, relax. I… deserved it. I don’t fault him.”

He squeezed it reassuringly, but Luffy shook his head, turning to Law.

“Bullshit.” And then Luffy looked over to the party, eyes focusing in on something before he called out. “Oi! Chopper! Come look at Torao!”

“Aye, aye Captain!” Came the reply.

…God _dammit!_

And the small creature bobbed on over to him, clambering up to poke and prod at his injured face.

“No, really ahk Tony-ya, I’m fine!” He protested. “Just get me some ice! Nothing’s broken, well except for some blood vessels maybe. But there’s some swelling – ice dammit!”

But the reindeer was having none of it, fussing over him and just _annoying_ the tender area, and in the background he could hear Luffy yelling at Zoro, and–

“STOP!”

Law sighed after the outburst and thankfully everybody _did_ stop and now Luffy was looking at him.

“Mugiwara-ya, I’ll explain – just get me some ice I’ll be fine – I’m a doctor too!” He argued and glared at Chopper when he tried to protest.

God, the Strawhats were going to drive him mad.

Finally, the reindeer heeded his advice and ran to get the ice, although promising to do a more thorough check-up later. Luffy was… angrily pouting and Zoro just leaning against a damn tree as if he just didn’t get into an argument with his captain over punching their ally.

Idiots. Idiots everywhere.

And everybody was still staring at them.

Finally when Chopper delivered the ice he took it, and Luffy’s arm, and just… walked away from the party.

“O-Oi, where are we going Torao?”

Luffy sounded nervous and reluctant as he looked back at the party. Probably concerned about missing out on food or some stupid shit like that.

Law exhaled again, but tugged Luffy along.

“I’d rather not have to explain myself to everybody. As long as you’re satisfied, I’m certain they’ll be satisfied.”

He didn’t want everybody knowing that he had given up on life. That he tried to sacrifice it just to fulfil another’s goals…

Not to his crew. Hell, even Zoro, but… there just was something there. It was in Zoro’s eyes. (He could see the fury beneath them) And there was that delicate ground between him and Zoro too that he didn’t want to break. Somehow, he felt that Zoro just… deserved to know.

And Luffy… Gods, he didn’t even _know_ if he wanted Luffy to know…

(But here he was, going to tell him anyway.)

When Law applied the ice to his face, he hissed a little. It was too cold, but he already knew that it would feel better shortly. He found himself a fallen tree to sit down on as well, feeling secluded enough to start.

And he sighed.

Luffy found himself a spot in front of him on the ground, just kneeling there. It was unusually quiet before the other captain had leaned in a little and gently moved the bag of ice to look at his eye. The hands were soft, the touch feather light.

“…You sure he didn’t break anything?”

Mugiwara-ya. Luffy. The boy was so concerned. (He _always_ had been…)

Law could feel that familiar tug on the corners of his lips.

“Aside from a few blood vessels, yeah I’m sure. It was a light punch. He was angry, but not _that_ angry at me.” And back to the topic at hand.

That. This… it always kept happening around him. Around this young man who carried the D stronger than any other he had known. That tug. Those urges that normally never happened otherwise. That… that _something…_

Those soft hands dropped to his lap, and the boy sat down, fidgeting. Why? Why did that make him only want to smile more?

(He replaced the ice to his eye and shuddered a little at the renewed cold sensation to get rid of that urge.)

“So… why was he angry?”

As he thought back to it, Law felt himself sigh again. Why was Zoro angry?

_Because, Mugiwara-ya, he was only looking out for you. Because he didn’t want you to lose another person you cared about. Because I didn’t give a damn about any of that. Because I was prepared to die since I had achieved my life’s goal and had nothing left to live for._

Of course, he couldn’t bring himself to say that. To explain it all. To watch that concerned face _contort_ into something he didn’t like. (Again. Again. This kept fucking happening.) So he summarised it, like he always did. Simplified it. Luffy understood simplicity, didn’t he?

“Because… I said something… because I planned to hurt you. Because I lied to you.”

And when those kind, dark eyes widened in disbelief, well Luffy understood him, even if he didn’t want to. “No! Torao isn’t like that!”

Luffy always saw the best in people, didn’t he? He wanted to believe people were better than they actually were. (This. Yes, this was why he didn’t scream out to Luffy in frustration. This was why he didn’t try and shatter those beliefs.) And even if Luffy understood, he wouldn’t accept it.

So Law listened to those urges from earlier and he smiled. (The smile didn’t feel right though. It didn’t satisfy the urge properly. Probably because there was a disheartened tone to it.) He smiled and he shook his head.

He supposed he could explain it in a bit more depth.

“I suppose that’s dumbing it down and not _exactly_ what happened but…”

_That’s the gist of it._

He didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence however. Luffy, being Luffy, just wouldn’t accept that his ally was anything but good. That his ally didn’t deserve that punch.

“Torao! You told me you weren’t going to betray me!”

Oh, the innocence…

“That was, and still is, the truth Mugiwara-ya.” He said, moving a little. “At least from the initial intentions of the alliance. But, then again, it’s obvious we have very different opinions on what an alliance means.” Pit Kaido and Doflamingo against one another following the plan he derived. And if he died in the process, well there were always prices to pay in war, right? Nowhere did he say that they were going to defeat Kaido _together._ Just that he had a plan. A plan that involved Doflamingo. And that, that was all that mattered to him. To Luffy’s perspective though…

“In my terms, no, I was not going to betray you. But in your terms? Probably what I was doing, or well, _planning_ to do was the ultimate betrayal.”

Well, at least he had Luffy’s attention now and the boy wasn’t interrupting him anymore. No, his head was tilted in confusion and curiosity.

“Huh?”

Dressrosa. Doflamingo. Death.

Those were the differences. And that was why Zoro was mad at him. He didn’t blame the guy, no he didn’t. The swordsman was even warming up to him recently too. They had been building that bridge between them, and learning to trust one another…

Law tilted his head up and closed his other eye. He could hear the nature around them. Hear the party going on without them. And he could hear Luffy fidgeting _again._

Patient, the boy was being so patient for him. It almost made him feel bad for his earlier intentions.

But he was a different man then, wasn’t he? A man with no purpose. A man driven solely by revenge.

Surprising, how much one could change over the course of a week…

He inhaled deeply. Decidedly. Yes, Luffy, of all people, _deserved_ to know the truth. (It was his fault after all, rescuing him he way he did.)

“I was never planning on leaving Dressrosa.”

_Alive._

(But didn’t they essentially mean the same thing?)

“Huh? Why? That’s where Mingo was. And how can we fight Kaido if you’re there?”

_God, this child…_

Maybe he should just start from the beginning? No, Luffy wasn’t good with stories. He was already being so patient as it was with him, it was only a matter of time before it broke.

“I wasn’t planning on fighting Kaido.”

“But you said–!”

(See?)

Law held up his hand to shush the other and continued. “I said to you the purpose of our alliance was to bring down Kaido. And getting rid of his artificial devil fruits while simultaneously getting him to face Doflamingo was all intended to do just that. Because then Kaido would be weakened, his forces weaker… creating him open to a challenge, correct?”

At least Luffy had calmed down after his outburst and was quiet again. When Law paused to ensure that Luffy had taken in all the information, he received a nod.

So he continued again.

“And, so we went to Dressrosa. If everything had gone to plan you would have left Dressrosa to Zou with your team intact, the factory destroyed, and Doflamingo on the run from both Kaido and Fujitora. And I? Well, I was the bait Mugiwara-ya, and the bait doesn’t always get away.”

“I don’t get what this has to do with Zoro punching you…” Luffy whined.

A _whine?_ What? Was paying attention _that_ cumbersome that he objected doing so if he didn’t see the immediate results of his patience?

(…Who was he kidding? He was dealing with _Luffy_ for crying out loud!)

Law couldn’t help but make a sound of annoyance. Because Luffy _still_ didn’t get it despite him spelling it out for the guy. Not leaving, bait, not getting away, what Doflamingo did to him…

“For fuck sakes Mugiwara-ya, I’m trying to say I planned to die on Dressrosa to ensure things went to plan!” Law all but screamed out in frustration, both hands moving out, ice leaving his face.

There. Right there. And it hurt like he thought it would.

The way Luffy’s eyes went wide. The concern. Denial. **Fear.**

It sure looked like betrayal.

“No! Torao can’t die!”

Law could only sigh – how many times was that now? – and force his face to look neutral.

“And that was why your swordsman punched me. He found that out and confronted me on it.”

Luffy brought his knees up and sniffled. He was fucking _pouting_ again!

“…Why does Torao wanna die?”

The question hurt, and Law glanced to the side. “…It’s not that.” And it wasn’t, but it still hurt to hear it. “It’s… complicated. It’s more of a lack of a reason to live…”

“But your nakama!”

What was it with Luffy and interrupting him damnit?

“They can survive without me.”

“What about me?”

“…You never entered the equation Mugiwara-ya.”

There finally was silence.

Did those words hurt the small captain?

(But it was the truth. Luffy’s reaction to his death didn’t matter because Trafalgar Law wasn’t supposed to matter.)

Law sighed, feeling a bit calmer after that and brought the ice bag back up to his face. (He barely noticed it now, the skin had gotten quite cold.)

“I… I was willing to do anything to make Doflamingo pay, Mugiwara-ya. Even if it meant sacrificing my life. It was the only thing I lived for after – after Cora-san…” Law took a shuddering breath, feeling the emotions again and it was becoming hard again. Vengeance was won but _still_ it hurt…

“Was he the guy Mingo killed?”

And while Luffy had seemed to finally find his voice once more, it was subdued. Less insistent this time. Had he noticed the sound he made?

Law could only nod. Unlike Luffy, he didn’t trust his voice right now…

“I understand wanting to make him pay but… why die for it?”

Luffy could be rather observant at times, couldn’t he? And understanding and… there was a lot under that exterior of his that nobody noticed but…

Luffy didn’t understand _this._ No, he couldn’t. He didn’t. Not that burning desire within him. Not the desperation. Not the _emptiness._ He had been broken. Was broken again.

(Is still?)

“I told you. I… I had no reason to live.” His life meant nothing. “I was already a dead man walking, but… I wanted to fulfill Cora-san’s will… I **had** to. He gave it all up. For me. So I could live…”

“Then maybe you should keep living! Since he wanted you to live so badly!”

This damn kid!

“I-arg! It’s not that simple Mugiwara-ya!”

“Is too!”

…He just had to get used to this too, didn’t he?

He groaned. “What Cora-san wanted was for me to have a chance at life! Not for me to live! There’s a difference!”

Why? Why was he even arguing this? It was a moot point and **not** what he originally came here to do. (That was already achieved!) And he wasn’t like that anymore.

(Luffy asked. Luffy argued. And, as always, Law just _reacted._ )

“I was sick. I was dying. At thirteen years old I only had months left to life. And Cora-san, he… he took me from hospital to hospital. Doctor to doctor… trying to save me. Trying to restore the hope in me: a boy who hated the world for what it had done to him. But… in doing so he sacrificed his own goals in life: to see Doflamingo stopped. And Doflamingo found out. He killed Cora-san because I fucked up and–”

That was not a sob. What was not a sob! Trafalgar Law **did not** sob! Damnit he said too much and – fuck – **why** did it still hurt?

“Torao…?”

There was a hand on his good arm, squeezing tightly.

“You don’t have to talk about it. This… this is what keeps you up at night, isn’t it? This is why you can’t sleep. Why you stayed up with me when I dreamed of Ace. You’re still bleeding, aren’t you?”

Law dropped the bag of ice and just covered his face with his hands. He tried. Tried so hard not to let Vergo’s words get the better of him. But, they did. And maybe, part of him felt that the only way he could atone for it was to die fulfilling Cora-san’s dream.

“He saved me, but I made him pay for it with his life. Maybe I did want to die a little bit. I… I never felt like my life meant anything. That I was expendable. I was supposed to die in my home town along with everybody else. I was supposed to die of the poison the government allowed to happen to me. I was supposed to die with Cora-san in the bird cage all those years ago. I felt like I didn’t matter. That if I died, as long as Doflamingo paid, nothing else mattered. That I at least accomplished something useful in my life.”

“Torao, shut up.”

The statement was so… blunt it made him just stare at the other who was once more squatting in front of him on the moss, that angry, pouting expression on his face.

“If it weren’t for you, I’d be dead right now.” Luffy grabbed one of his hands, and bringing both of their hands to the scar on his chest. “If it weren’t for you, I, and my nakama might all be statues on Punk… whatever. If it weren’t for you I couldn’t have taken down Mingo.” Then those dark eyes met his and the intensity of the emotions there was overwhelming.

“So don’t say your life is meaningless! Don’t throw away your life so easily!”

Law’s hand slipped away, himself too mesmerised by those eyes to keep it up, and Luffy’s grip had loosened.

He couldn’t decipher the emotions there…

It had been Luffy, not him, who broke the eye contact. But not before Law recognised _some_ of those emotions.

Sadness. Loneliness. _Sorrow._

His eyes were downcast, and the hand that had previously held his tightened at his chest, as if clutching at something.

“If… If Torao dies…” Luffy bit his lip. “It just hurts thinking about it. Hurts like Ace, but not the same. Hurts like thinking about my nakama dying, but different. I don’t want another scar Torao, so you can’t die.”

The scene before him was painful. Oh so painful, but _something_ else too… All Law could do was stare. Stare at this man who had been giving him a reason. A reason to live. To hope.

What was this?

“You need to live Torao. You **need** to! I won’t let you die.”

“I know.”

(Why? Why did he know?)

“Then why! Why did you plan to die!”

Luffy was so upset… there were tears in the corners of his eyes… the torn emotion in his voice. The way his face was set…

Luffy was reacting like this at the prospect of him dying…

“Because back then I didn’t know.”

“You were alone. See? Being alone is scary, isn’t it?”

Yes, Trafalgar Law had been alone.

But now? As he looked at the trembling figure that was Luffy, he realised that no, he wasn’t.

He had Luffy.


	8. 12.5.2 Think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll are gunna hate me

As he watched Luffy tremble violently, Law could only wonder: Was he scared for himself, or for Law? Or both? Was being alone **that** terrifying?)

Law found himself reaching out and he grabbed Luffy’s shoulder. This. This was what changed him. He mattered to somebody. This was what made him want to live again.

This young, naïve, innocent, dangerous captain.

“I’m not leaving Mugiwara-ya.” And he wasn’t. He decided that perhaps even before he consciously did.

“Torao…” Again, those intense, dark eyes met his. “I’m not going to lose you.”

Why? Why did he want to laugh right now? To stroke away the wetness at the corners of his eyes? To tell him no, he’s right here and he wasn’t Zoro and…

That he didn’t want to lose him too.

And Law, instead of saying such a ridiculous attempt at a joke had just watched Luffy. Watched as the boy poured his heart out. As he insisted that Law say alive for such god damn selfish reasons it was almost adorable.

(…Since **when** did Trafalgar Law describe **anything** as **adorable?** )

But Law couldn’t argue that logic. In fact, it was that very logic why he continued as he did Luffy gave him the chance at revenge with his own hands. The chance at redemption. Luffy showed him a reason to live.

Luffy **wanted** him to live.

It had been awhile since somebody had fought **that** hard for him…

Since he had **hoped.**

(Trafalgar Law _wasn’t_ supposed to hope either.)

What was it?

Law felt those urges again, and this time he didn’t resist. Luffy was still staring up at him with a plea in those wet, dark eyes. (As if he didn’t just make demands.) And so, Law’s thumb pressed gently below his eye, coming away wet.

_I’m not going to lose you._

“You won’t,” his words were a mere whisper, “as long as I can help it.”

He couldn’t promise not to die. (He remembered Luffy’s screams.) He couldn’t promise they’d never become separated. (They had their own goals after all.) But he could promise this.

That he’d try.

(That was more than he ever had.)

There was a sound of agreement and Luffy nodded promptly before he felt those arms wrap tightly around him.

“Me too.”

Law wasn’t too sure if Luffy was saying that for himself or for Law.

(The kid could be oddly perceptive at times.)

Luffy was warm against him.

It wasn’t as if this was the first time Luffy had hugged him. This wasn’t even the first time he had _returned_ the embrace either. But Luffy was **warm.**

(He always had been. The hugs. The way Luffy’s back would be against his… or the way their shoulders touched. The sound of his laughter at some horrible attempt at a joke. Even the soft snores as the younger captain slept in his lap…)

Certainly, he knew that, biologically speaking, yes other humans were warm but this wasn’t it. He was aware of it. He enjoyed it. He **embraced** it.

(And those smiles. That joy in those dark eyes. That playful, teasing chuckling…)

Comfortable.

It made him want to smile. To laugh. To relax. To just… **enjoy** himself along with the other…

And slow, Law learned to obey those urges. To give in. First it was merely acceptance. Then it became something he returned and actively participated in. He’d lean back against Luffy. Or pat his head. Ruffle his hair. Touch his shoulder.

 ~~Squeeze his hand.~~

Law couldn’t define it. Not these urges or this behaviour. Not the way he would smile whenever he woke up and Luffy was still asleep against him and he would just... _watch_ the other. Luffy had just crept his way into his life. Had given meaning to it. And let him live. Truly live, not just exist from sunrise to sunset. (And not just be tormented from sunset to sunrise.)

“You’re thinking again, aren’t you?” A voice murmured against his chest. “You’re making that face again.” The voice was clearer this time and he felt a pinch at his nose, and heard the chuckles.

Law’s face scrunched at the pinch and he looked down at the face that looked so _free._

“Oi, who said you could pinch my nose Mugiwara-ya?”

The only answer he received was more laughter.

_Freedom huh?_

Was that what Luffy gave him? Freedom? Unshackled the metaphorical chains that Doflamingo placed on him?

No, it wasn’t just that.

Law moved one hand and placed it on Luffy’s hat.

Something else. Something else his mind told him. More. Not just that. Deeper.

But… what?

Luffy moved again, this time sitting up straighter and adjusting himself so that their heads were level.

“Torao’s still thinking.”

Yes, Luffy, that he was.

Then Luffy pushed their foreheads together, knocking his hat off, and pushing his own back. (It would have fallen to his neck if it weren’t for Law’s hand supporting it against the back of his head.)

“That’s no fun.”

Those dark eyes were _so close…_

_What was this?_

“If you’re gunna think, at least do it out loud.”

And despite the _oddness_ within him, Law just...

Well, he didn’t let any inhibitions get in the way of anything.

And so he chuckled. It was soft and momentary, but it _was_ a chuckle.

“That defeats the whole purpose of thinking then Mugiwara-ya.” He just… what was it? Why did he simply _not care_ right now?

Trafalgar Law should give a damn if somebody caught him jesting and chuckling like this.

(Again, just _what_ were the Strawhats doing to him?)

“No it doesn’t! If you’re trying to figure something out, for example, I can help you!”

And, of course, only Luffy would come up with some sort of selfish answer like that.

“What if I’m thinking about something trivial like what I did three days ago?”

Of course, he doubted that Luffy could solve _his_ problem. It was _his_ body and mind and he _still_ couldn’t figure it out. It wasn’t like he could transfer the sensations over to the other.

( _…Could he?_ )

(Honestly, he wasn’t too sure if he _wanted_ to know.)

“Then I’ll tell you there’s no point in thinking about that because you’re here and now and not three days ago.”

...Goodness this boy. So blunt and innocent and…

He was laughing now. Trafalgar Law was _laughing._

“I like your laugh Torao.”

The words stunned him. He just… hadn’t expected to _hear_ that of all things, and he stopped, staring at Luffy.

He was pouting.

“I didn’t mean to offend you!”

And yet that pouting face also looked so very worried and _almost_ scandalised.

…It was _still_ so very close to his…

“I – ah – I just didn’t expect that comment, that’s all.”

 _Why_ was he rationalising this to Luffy? Why was he telling him this? Certainly it was the truth but…

(When was the last time somebody complimented his laughs after all? Hell, when was the last time he _actually_ laughed?)

“O-Okay, good! I don’t want you to think you can’t laugh!” Then that pout turned into a smile as he laughed softly, those dark eyes soft and warm. “‘Cause I like Torao’s laugh!”

Law took a moment to investigate just _why_ Luffy had gotten to much taller. He was on a log after all, not to mention he _was_ taller than the other captain. (It wasn’t because he kept getting distracted by those dark eyes that were level with his, no.) And a strange expression made its way to his face.

He wouldn’t have been surprised if Luffy had just stretched himself somewhere along the way, but no, that wasn’t the case.

He might have preferred it that way.

(Just saying somebody could walk in on them and get a _very wrong_ impression.)

Luffy decided _his_ log was a perfectly good place to put his knees on. After hugging him and pressing their foreheads together. Law wasn’t too certain what he thought or felt about that.

About Luffy basically straddling him.

(Maybe he should just get lost again in those dark eyes…)

“Toraooooo stop thinking.”

Whining. All this kid did was _whine._

(No, that was a lie, but he _did_ whine quite often…)

Law reached up and pinched Luffy’s nose. “Maybe if Mugiwara-ya stops whining.”

..Fuck he shouldn’t have said that.

“Really?”

…Were those _stars_ in his eyes?

Law sighed.

“Okay Torao! I’ll stop whining, but you gotta stop thinking. Well, at least stop thinking _all_ the time. I mean you can think a little bit, ‘cause I know I can’t stop you from thinking completely. You promised though!” That innocent voice was like a child who found candy.

“…You really need a dictionary Mugiwara-ya.”

That head tilted sideways.

“…Nevermind.” Another joke gone over the buffoon’s head.

And then, there. Luffy’s face made the strangest of expressions and he opened his mouth, a strangled sound escaping it before he shut it again.

…Was he seriously trying not to whine? Law felt the laughter slip through his lips again. Oh God. That was… that was…

_Adorable._

…Dammit.

Why didn’t he just explain? Yeah. That’ll work. Okay. “I was just making fun of you Mugiwara-ya, considering you don’t know the definitions of words properly.” He started. “You see, a dictionary gives you the _proper_ definitions of a word, and considering you have problems with that…. I didn’t _promise_ anything, for example.”

“But-”

Now it was _his_ turn to interrupt the other captain, and he felt himself grinning all the while.

“I never said I would actually _do_ anything if you stopped whining.”

Luffy’s face made that same expression and his mouth opened and closed, making nonsensical sounds before he just _gave up._

Oh, he just looked _so_ frustrated right now!

“What?” He teased out. “Not as easy as you thought it’d be?” Oh yeah, he was _challenging_ Luffy.

_Reply Mugiwara-ya. I **dare** you._

This was far too much fun, and Law _definitely_ was enjoying the expressions Luffy was making, and the frustration in those dark eyes and the way they sparked at the challenge and – oh.

Why was Luffy smirking?

“I won!”

Wait, _what?_

“Torao was busy thinking again!” Oh and Luffy sounded so proud of himself too!

“…The fuck?”

And there he was sticking out that damn tongue of him, looking just so full of himself, and seriously, what the fuck?

“I didn’t whine or pout but Torao was still thinking so I won!”

“…I’m never going to understand you…” Law should give up. Really. For his own sanity. Hell, he wasn’t even going to argue the point at this point.

“Torao can’t win against me!”

(It wasn’t a competition you ass.)

Now that his gloating was over, that little asshole had decided to lean in again now, still smirking and—

\--The fuck was his problem?

(His. Not Luffy’s.)

“Torao needs to do less thinking and more doing.”

…Seriously, what the fuck? Luffy’s words _really_ made his thoughts go into strange directions wondering just _what_ Luffy wanted him to do to him and – hell no.

He was getting so damn confused.

And so Law just… looked at the hand that was at Luffy’s shoulder (no, he wasn’t avoiding another gaze lock with those _dark_ eyes...) before bringing it up to pinch at Luffy’s nose once more.

And Luffy? Well he just brought their foreheads together again, words a mere whisper. “Don’t think Torao.”

He _always_ thought! But then again, his mind was going down some _strange_ pathways and maybe Luffy’s advice was solid right now… His head was just spinning and he just didn’t understand himself or his thoughts or the trails… It had _never_ done this before…

He never felt like this before. Maybe Zoro actually punched him harder than he thought? Confusion was definitely a symptom of a concussion. And dizziness. There was that sensation of dehydration… his throat was dry. His stomach, too, was queasy and almost nauseous.

(He wasn’t overly tired however, and he didn’t _feel_ like vomiting, just that it felt weird. His speech too, was perfectly normal.)

“Torao?”

Apparently he had spaced out, and not in the usual way. Luffy’s voice was concerned and he backed off a bit, head tilting. 

“Are you okay?”

…Okay what the hell? The tightness was going away, as well as the fog and the way his stomach was twisting wasn’t as tight as it had been before.

“I-I don’t know?”

And really, he didn’t.

(He could vaguely recall similar symptoms before. On Bartolomeo’s ship. He had experienced them on occasion, however never with such _intensity_ or all at once. Certainly, Luffy had been around each time… sometimes even the _only_ one…)

So not a concussion?

Luffy had stretched one of his arms to grab the bag he had dropped on the ground earlier. It was half-melted by now, but still cool. And Luffy carefully placed it on his eye and moved to sit beside him on the log now.

“Is it your eye? Or head? Or?”

When Luffy’s hand brushed against his skin, Law felt a tremor before… _warmth._

Was it a fever? (No it couldn’t be. And he didn’t remember any infections…)

It had to be Luffy. Luffy was the key to this because...

(Warmth. It dawned on him. Warmth. That’s what this all was. It started out as that before spreading elsewhere. This warmth. He craved it. Small. Small enough not to notice. Subtle enough to grow into a fire without him realising it or that he had been feeding it. That spark.)

The fire was consuming him now.

Law couldn’t help it now. No. He wanted more of that warmth and he leaned into the hand – the symptoms returned. _Yes._ It was Luffy. And he placed his hand atop the rubbery one.

(He had fed it, and he was feeding it now. It had become second nature to him now as he basked in its warmth. Perhaps… maybe if he had known what this was, he would have doused the flames in a panic, but how could he recognise something he had never felt before?)

Right now, even though it was there, it was gentle. Soft. Like it always had been. Luffy’s hand, physically cold yet _so_ warm.

This warmth? It didn’t come _from_ Luffy, no, it came _because_ of him.

(He blamed it on his crewmates. Always blabbering on about this and that and curiosity got the better of him, but he just didn’t understand why in the end. Why they enjoyed it or what the hype was or why anybody would pay money to do such a thing. He even tried all avenues but each result came back the same. Biologically it made sense – nerve endings and other, self-sustaining purposes – but what was the point aside from that?)

It was the small things. The little things. He took steps – infant ones – towards something he didn’t even know was there or that he had wanted. The touches. The leaning. That _comfort_ he thought he could only get while Bepo was around. (And even then, Bepo paled in comparison to now.)

Trafalgar Law thought nothing of it, because it wasn’t supposed to exist for him.

(He wasn’t supposed to exist)

And now?

Well…

He squeezed Luffy’s hand gently and pulled it away, his other hand moving up to touch Luffy’s cheek.

“Okay.”

_Don’t think Torao._

“I’ll stop.”

And with that said, and a very confused Luffy at that, Trafalgar Law leaned forward, a soft smile on his face before brushing his lips against Luffy’s.

“It’s my heart, Luffy-ya.”


	9. 12.5.3 Embarassment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go. (TBH i was gunna post this earlier. Like Monday or Tuesday buuuut I’ve have a rough couple days, and this is the first time I’m on my desktop since like... Friday. Or is it Wednesday? I can’t remember xD) I know ya’ll have been waiting. Now back to bedrest and elevating the ankle OTL

_Of course._

“It’s your heart? Is something wrong? Chopper! Torao, just wait here, I’ll go get Chopper and—”

Only Luffy. Only Luffy would panic and rush to try and get Chopper to look at his heart.

Granted, right now his heart rate _had_ increased a little, and his insides were squirming and felt a few points of degrees warmer than they _should_ be but…

That was _all_ explainable.

“God dammit Luffy-ya!” He called out, grabbing that idiot’s arm before he ran out and produced a very, _very_ awkward situation. “I didn’t mean my heart is _actually_ damaged you idiot!”

Above all, it was _very obvious_ that Trafalgar Law _was not_ a romantic.

Again: Just _what the fuck_ had he gotten himself tangled into? And _why_ did he even say that horrendous line, or _do_ that or–

(That fucking idiot told him to stop thinking, that’s what.)

“Then what do you mean it’s your heart!” Thankfully, Luffy had stopped his endeavour to rescue Torao from some fatal heart disease and was just pouting at him.

(Who knew, maybe it _was_ fatal…)

(And why? Why was his fucking pout so fucking adorable and since _when_ did he, Trafalgar Law, start referring to things as _adorable?_ )

“I meant it metaphorically… not literally – Agh!” Maybe he _really_ should get Luffy a dictionary so they could _actually_ converse… “What I mean is I did not mean my _physical_ heart.”

(Again, Trafalgar Law was not made for romance. Or humour, for that matter, it seemed.)

And so he sighed, bringing a hand up to his face. “That, I think, I have feelings for you?”

God, that sounded so awkward and uncertain but… he wasn’t certain. He didn’t _know_ what this was. What it meant. All he could do was _guess_ and hypothesize just what he was going through.

“Feelings?”

…Oh god, was Luffy actually _thinking?_

“…Like Hancock?”

For some reason, Law felt anger bubbling deep within him. Actually, it was reminiscent of whenever Luffy would talk about Bepo _all the fucking time._ And he remembered when Boa Hancock had boarded his ship. When she was so paranoid about Luffy’s wellbeing. That Luffy had remained there after he had left with Jinbei and Rayleigh…

Certainly the affections _seemed_ one-sided but…

(Luffy spent _two_ years there right?)

No. No. Trafalgar Law was **not** _jealous!_

He reached up to pull down the brim of his hat, only to realise that it was still on the ground behind him from when Luffy had pushed their foreheads together and…

_Damn Strawhat!_

And so he could only sigh and answer the idiot.

“…Maybe?”

Gods, that uncertainty even changed the tone in his voice!

“Was that why you _maybe_ kissed me?” Luffy was chucking, that brat! Where was _any_ of this funny and – fuck Luffy apparently _knew_ that he kissed him but didn’t say anything and— He was leaning in again, putting the ice back up to his eye. “Because you _maybe_ have _feelings_ for me? Is that why you’re always in your head Torao?”

Was the brat _teasing_ him?

This time, Luffy stretched himself a bit before Law felt lips against his forehead. (And he’d be damned if he was to admit it sent warmth down his spine.) “You’re being silly Torao. Just _do_ things and you’ll get your answer.”

Wasn’t that what he just did? Although he had to admit… he kind of liked doing that. Although whether or not that was a rush of adrenaline from doing that or… _affection_ Law didn’t know.

Luffy’s other hand moved to his cheek, the other still holding the bag of ice (it was really more water over ice at this point) on his injured eye. “And _kinda_ doing things doesn’t count.” He stuck his tongue out.

That asshole _was_ teasing him!

“You wanna kiss me, don’t you?” Luffy tilted his head, sounding and looking _so_ innocent. “You wanna know if kissing me is nice, right?” Even that smile on his face, that soft laughter… “Then do it Torao. Thinking about it won’t give you answers.”

That wasn’t – well it _was_ but – what he meant! Did Luffy even _return_ the maybe-feelings or was this just something Luffy was willing to do so Law could get some answers?

“Stop thinking Torao.”

How the _fuck_ was he supposed to stop thinking when Luffy was saying these things and making him wonder if it was even okay and if Luffy even cared and–

Suddenly he was pulled forward and down and there was just this _warmth_ against him. Luffy’s dark eyes were closed for once and he felt his own closing and soon there just was this _splat_ as the bag fell to the ground and Law found that it wasn’t enough. No he wanted more. **More.** More of that warmth – _heat_ – and he could just _drown_ in it and that he needed Luffy closer to him god dammit and so his hands clutched at Luffy’s shirt, tugging him closer, lips moving and–

Suddenly it was gone and that bastard was laughing whole-heartedly.

“Torao thinks too much.”

Holy. Shit.

His hand fell from Luffy’s shirt as he slumped back, out of breath and speechless and all he could think about was what just happened and how _warm_ he felt…

“Torao likes me then?”

…Why were those words said in such a cheerful manner? Wasn’t this just Luffy letting him figure just what the hell was going on in his head? Or was this that damned idiot’s _concern_ playing again and…

(His head was spinning.)

When Luffy had wrapped his arms around him, all Law found he could do was nod.

(And reeling.)

Because that’s what this was, wasn’t it? Nothing like this had _ever_ happened before and his heart was racing and he just felt _so fucking happy_ and warm and content despite the fact that Luffy probably didn’t return the feelings and–

“Good, cause I like Torao too!” There was a quick pressure of lips against his cheek. “’Cause I like kissing Torao too.”

Wait – wait – _what?_

“Can I kiss Torao again?”

_Act. Just act Law. Stop thinking._

And so _he_ did this time, pressing his lips against Luffy’s again.

.xxx.

How long they had been away from the party – well, Law didn’t know. He was rather lost in just…

(They didn’t _just_ kiss the entire time, but…)

In Luffy.

Knowing that… that it was _this_ , that they weren’t just two pirates in an alliance, they weren’t _just_ nakama, that the way Luffy looked at him was reserved for _him_ it just…

Trafalgar Law was happy.

He was letting go of his inhibitions one by one and now? Well, the way he held Luffy felt different. It may have not _been_ different but, he just realised the ramifications of it. He figured out just _why_ Luffy was so different than Bepo was, and yet also why he shared some of those similarities.

Some of it was spent in silence, some of it was just Luffy blabbing off about this or that or things he liked about ‘Torao.’ And if Luffy had cuddled close to him, well, he wasn’t about to deny Luffy.

He enjoyed it himself after all…

And they spend a good while like this, or at least he guessed they did. Just sitting close, relaxing against one another, and, _yeah_ , a few kisses here and there.

But eventually, Law realised that they _probably_ should end up returning to the party before a search party was sent out to retrieve them. But that also meant… explaining certain things to Luffy.

Trafalgar Law was a private person after all.

“Luffy-ya.” The name was still a little foreign to his tongue but… he liked it. It… denoted something between them. Something as simple as a name… “This? I would rather not display it in public.”

Ah yes, the whining, he expected this. Something along whys and no funs…

“ _Luffy-ya._ ” He pressed. “I’ve never been a person who expresses himself publicly, and that’s not about to change. Certainly, _yes_ we can continue what we were doing on Bartolomeo’s ship, but this?” He briefly pecked Luffy on the lips for demonstration. (And to shut him up.) “It stays between us. If it’s any consolation just think of it as you’re the only one who can see me this way.”

Apparently that was enough to convince the idiot. He seemed quite content in learning that there was a side to Law that only he could see. The kiss probably sweetened the deal.

And the way Luffy clung to him? Well, they had been doing it long enough that he supposed he could continue putting up with it in a public front. Not to mention it would probably raise questions if it suddenly stopped. He wasn’t even factoring in just how Luffy would react either… and that most certainly wouldn’t be favourable. The affectionate captain needed _some_ form of an outlet after all.

(The only problem however with this deal was that if somebody decided to _inquire_ and ask the right questions… well Luffy was a _horrible_ liar from what he had heard…)

(He just needed to ensure not to arouse suspicion then.)

Luffy had hopped off him and was running around in circles, and Law could only smile as he watched him.

To be honest, he had _no_ idea what was to happen with any of this. In fact, his _entire_ life was a mess. He had little to no plans and he was now in some sort of relationship with somebody so damn spontaneous and unexpected and…

“Torao is my boyfriend~”

Singing about their relationship and dancing in circles…

(None of this was supposed to happen, but it did.)

Idly, he wondered just what his crew would think about this. About their captain _caring_ about somebody in this manner. Somebody seemingly the complete opposite of him. (And yet, they fit together in some strange way.)

Well, at least he could hopefully get used to it _himself_ before anybody found out.

“I do hope you will not be singing that when we return to the group Luffy-ya.” He said and stood up himself, turning around to pick up his hat. And when he glanced up… that bastard had that _damn_ adorable pout on his face.

“B-B-But Toraooooo!”

Cue more whining. Oh _what_ was he going to do with this idiot?

And so he walked over, leaned in, and pressed his finger on Luffy’s nose. “What did I say about whining Mugiwara-ya?”

And his dark eyes widened before that pout got… poutier. (Law knew that wasn’t a word but that fucking described Luffy right now.) “I like it when you use my name Torao.”

And Law couldn’t help it: he laughed. He said the moniker simply out of habit. “Certainly, Luffy-ya.”

His eyes lit up with joy and god damn it if that wasn’t adorable, Law didn’t know what was!

“One more kiss then? And, and say you’re my boyfriend and-”

“We _do_ need to get back, otherwise they _will_ start worrying and looking for us Luffy-ya.” Law was grinning but, hey, he could oblige Luffy on those two things at least…

And so he leaned in close, his voice a mere whisper, “Mugiwara no Luffy is my boyfriend.” Oh, boy… he _really_ enjoyed the expression on Luffy’s face right now…. His lips curled into a grin before he closed the distance between them.

(He enjoyed that too, but that was established already.)

.xxx.

The party indeed was going on when they returned. Apparently the Minks definitely were the type of people who let go of things people didn’t want to talk about. They looked concerned for a moment before flashing them a smile and saluted them before continuing on with the party.

His crew on the other hand…

Well they were looking warily between him, Luffy, and Zoro.

(The Strawhats occasionally glanced in their direction, but mostly out of curiosity.)

Again, it was the young captain who dissuaded the tension: he patted Zoro on the shoulder (but Law could see the squeeze that almost seemed like a warning) and smiled at him. “While I don’t agree with you hitting Torao,” (and there it was again, so it _was_ a warning…), “I understand why you did it Zoro. He… said things that made you angry. But it’s okay, okay? Torao and I worked it all out.”

_Luffy-ya don’t say it like that dammit!_

The _last_ thing they needed was for _Zoro_ of all people to figure it out…

“It’s in the past and not now. Torao promised me.” Luffy was laughing now. “Well, _kinda._ As good as a promise as anybody could make!”

Law could only feel the tension tightening. Didn’t the idiot _know_ how that sounded to outside ears? So he sighed and tugged on Luffy’s ear.

“That’s enough of that Luffy-ya. Let’s go sit down.”

The way that Luffy had perked up at the way he phrased things (let’s… let _us_ ) made Law smile. The kid _could_ be predictable when it came to the things he liked...

…

He pulled down his hat. He _was not_ blushing.

Trafalgar Law _did not_ blush!


	10. 13.5 Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh sorry for the delay. I couldn’t finish this by Thursday and my life was crazy. Like I’d work a bit here and a bit there between the things I had to do all weekend. Once more, this is the end of what Oda has really given us so far. I DO have other plans for this, but it’s dependent on what happens next because this is the story I want to keep pretty close to canon! So until then, this story is ‘done.’
> 
> If you haven’t noticed: I’ve started a new series and it’s UA (Universe alteration) So it follows a similar plot to the canon story but there’s changes here and there. Check it out on my Ao3 or my one piece fanfiction page!

Chopper was one thing – Law could understand it, certainly, but only at the barest of levels. He _still_ went overboard however. 

Yes, certainly the way he was acting around Luffy _did_ appear to be unusual when one took into consideration what Chopper did know about him. But Tony-ya had not only assumed that what he knew about Law was everything there was, (not even considering the possibility of what he knew to be a charade of sorts) he then concluded that he had a concussion and ignored his protests.

(And, besides, hadn’t he already gone through that process and then eliminated the ‘symptoms’ in favour of a _far_ more reasonable explanation? Not that he was going to share the details of _that_ conclusion however…)

At the very least, Zoro was able to dissuade the whole ordeal in the end. (Even if said actions _were_ more than he had _apparently_ observed…)

Bepo, too, seemed surprised at it, but then again he had not shown such behaviour to anybody else but the bear, so that was understandable. But, what surprised Bepo (and his entire crew actually) the most was the fact that when Law had escaped the grasps of the tiny doctor he had brought Luffy along with him. Especially considering that Law was allowing Luffy to sit against him while he relaxed against Bepo.

(Sure, yeah, he didn’t ask Bepo’s permission, but considering the things he said earlier to Chopper…)

But, it just… it didn’t feel right without Luffy. That contact. (And, _yes_ , he had missed it.)

And his crew’s surprise _really_ wasn’t all that unusual, considering that the moment Law had settled himself against Bepo was the universal sign of ‘leave the captain alone.’ Most of the time, it _was_ because he wanted some sleep, but right now? Right now he wanted some peace and quiet because _he didn’t have a damn concussion_ and he just…

“He’s comfy Torao!”

Law looked up to see Luffy practically _snuggling_ Bepo, and it lit something in him he didn’t really enjoy feeling. “I can see why you like to sleep on and cuddle with him!”

Law grit his teeth, feeling even more irritated right now. “It’s not–” He hissed out in an attempt to soothe whatever it was that was growing within him, _and_ to dissuade the whole _cuddling_ issue.

But then, of course Luffy just moved himself, almost flopping on top of him and _interrupted_ him yet again. “But Torao’s comfier!”

At those words, that irritation died down and Law felt a smile coming to his lips as he stared at the younger captain. Comfier huh? He could live with that.

(So was Luffy.)

.xxx.

To say he was irritated… _yeah._ Trafalgar Law most definitely **was** irritated.

He was having what was probably the most peaceful, pleasant sleep in his life before Bepo had just… _catapulted_ them off of him for God knows what reason. There was screeching laughter off to the side (his crew, and probably Luffy’s too) and he was laying uncomfortably on top of Luffy.

(That wasn’t to say _Luffy_ was uncomfortable. No, it was his positioning. He wasn’t made of rubber like the other captain was.)

That being said, the only blessing to any of this was that he _was_ on top of Luffy and could see that damn adorable, sleepy expression up close and personal….

…Of course _that_ had to be ruined and short-lived _too_ because of some damn samurai going missing and…

Oh. Shit. The samurai…

Law groaned and sat up, most _definitely_ annoyed at the turn of events. He just couldn’t enjoy himself, could he? He then wandered over to where his belongings had flown from Bepo’s impromptu jumping into action, picking them up.

The Strawhats had already started rushing off to find the samurais, while his own crew just stared curiously at him as he grabbed Nodachi.

Law sighed and stood up. “We are allies, are we not?” He then straightened out his clothes before following the Strawhats. “We need to be together through thick and thin, so go help and look for the samurais you idiots. This is what they look like…”

Hopefully they could find them before a fight breaks out…

.xxx.

Of course, as soon as the opportunity arose, Luffy was at his side one more. Currently, he was talking about what had just transpired: how amazing and great it was that the Samurais and the Minks were friends and that they didn’t have to fight these nice people.

And Law? He could only nod and agree. “Yes Mugi- Luffy-ya.” And while he had slipped, Luffy’s expression was still beaming up at him. (Probably because he had quickly corrected himself.) “This country is in enough despair as it is.” The war against Kaido’s men had taken much from them and to fight _yet another_ battle over their presence… Well, Law wouldn’t blame them _but_ it was pointless.

(But then again, weren’t _all_ wars pointless?)

Seeing Luffy’s smile, however, shook him from his darker thoughts.

“And a ninja Torao! A ninja!” Luffy was just this exuberant ball of sunshine, wasn’t he? It made him smile slightly as Luffy went off on his tangents again over a ninja. Finally, Luffy had exhausted his current imaginations when he looked up at Law with those curious, dark, innocent eyes. “Is there anything about the ninja that interests you?”

Law let a soft sound that resembled a chuckle leave him. “There is a rumoured technique involving cloning that is interesting enough, I suppose.”

He felt Luffy wrap an arm around him, chuckling all the while with that damn adorable expression beaming up at him.

.xxx.

Luffy was whining. Whining as they made their journey to where the ninja was hidden. Whining and tugging at his shirt and a pout in his eyes and on his face.

Law could only sigh. “…What is it Luffy-ya?”

“Toraooooo…”

… Could that idiot **not** whine his name?

And so he just stared at his partner, awaiting an answer to his question that he had yet to receive.

“Please Torao…”

_More_ whining…. Honestly, Law wasn’t too certain what to think about it. Especially when Luffy whined his name for a _third_ time. “…What do you want Luffy-ya?” He groaned out. He **hated** repeating himself.

“I know you said… but I wanna….”

…Okay, seriously, just **what** was this idiot blabbing on about? They were walking in a forest and then Luffy just started whining.

“…Maybe we could slow down?” Luffy suggested, still going on about _whatever_ it was that he wanted. “And go behind a tree or something… and catch up after?” The latter words were said hastily and in a hushed tone.

Law sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. So he tugged Luffy’s ear, using enough haki to ensure that it was Luffy’s _neck_ that stretched upward and not just the ear, or the ear and some assortment of his face next to his lips.

“You need to explain Luffy-ya. I don’t know what you are referring to.”

“Um... _but you said!_ ” Ugh, more pouting and whining! “I’m not supposed to talk about it.”

…Oh. _Oh._ Now he understood. _That’s_ what Luffy wanted. He tried to mask his outward reaction by sighing. “Be patient Luffy-ya.” _Of course_ this was going to happen… “Right now it would be far too suspicious.” He tilted his head as he pondered the potential opportunities. “Perhaps after we get there? You’re the one who is most excited to see this ninja and if you vanished from sight… well people would wonder.”

And that they would. The would wonder just _what_ was more exciting than the current thing that Luffy had fixated himself on.

(His damn boyfriend wanted to kiss him, that’s _what._ ) 

Goodness, couldn’t the boy have picked a more opportune time?

(Of course he couldn’t. This was fucking Mugiwara no Luffy for crying out loud.)

“Just wait Luffy-ya.”

He only received more whines as a response.

…Just _what_ was he going to do with this idiot?

.xxx.

After numerous whines and pouts that Law had given up on counting, he was able to drag Luffy away. (In very little sense of the word. It looked like it was contagious…)

Of course, they had to climb the tree and descent it from within, observe the ninja in action and hear a tale or two before they could even _attempt_ but… the moment they were shooed outside…

(Well Law was surprised that it hadn’t been _Luffy_ to drag him away. In all literal senses of the word.)

He supposed that Luffy trusted that Law wouldn’t go back on his word.

As those from the Wano Kingdom sobbed over the state of their allied country, Law could feel those hands tugging at him. Law _did_ sigh, but at the same time he could feel the corners of his lips curling slightly. And so, he summoned a _Room_ before he switched them with a few leaves that were atop the tree.

“Truth be told, I’m surprised you lasted this long.” He teased when they arrived there.

And Luffy? Well he practically toppled Law over.

“Well, Torao said only I can see him like this!” Luffy replied with a grin on his face, rubbing his face against Law’s neck affectionately.

The laughter bubbled from his lips and Law ruffled Luffy’s hair. He enjoyed seeing Luffy act like this towards him. And, hey, Luffy was being _considerate!_ That certainly was something indeed. “I’m glad you waited Luffy-ya.”

He really was happy, by gods he was _happy!_

_Isn’t this great? Cheer up Law! You’re going to live!_

_Be happy! This is the devil fruit that is gunna save your life!_

As Law remembered those words, he smiled. He smiled and looked down towards Luffy, gaze catching those mesmerising dark eyes.

Quiet. It was quiet as they stared at one another. Of course, it didn’t last overlong, as it was Luffy who broke it with a soft “Can I…?”

As an answer, Law just leaned in, pressing his lips against Luffy’s. He knew, he knew what Luffy wanted, and he would gladly give it to him. And he revelled in the sensations it stirred within him: Warmth, comfort, acceptance, affection. But most of all: **happiness.**

He always had such a difficulty finding it – even if momentary. And now? Now it was just overwhelming as he would just look in Luffy’s direction. As he would see the smiles aimed towards him. As he saw that _warmth_ in those dark eyes. As he heard the music of his laughter. As he thought about him. As he kissed him. 

Trafalgar D. Water Law was ridiculously happy.

Law pulled away, smiling down at Luffy and caressed his cheek. Seriously… who would’ve thought…?

And Luffy? He was laughing again, those dark eyes sparkling. “Torao, I thought I told you to stop thinking.”

“I-I…” That damn idiot! “I wasn’t – I mean I was _but_ – It was about you…okay?”

He wasn’t blushing! He **wasn’t!**

“Shishishi,” Luffy was still laughing and his hands came up to hold Law’s cheeks. “I guess I can forgive you. You look so happy after all!” Those hands gently tilted his gaze back towards Luffy’s.

…What?

However, he didn’t have much time to think on whatever nonsense that idiot was on about now. (Not to mention Luffy would have just told him to _stop_ thinking again…) For Luffy had pulled him down for another kiss, those hands wrapping around his neck as the idiot pressed more against him.

Decidedly, Law just ceased thinking and his hands moved up – gripping on Luffy’s shirt, tugging him closer. _More_ his mind told him once again, just as it had the first time Luffy had kissed him.

A hand reached up into his hair, gripping there, the other hand turning into an arm to pull him closer. _Closer._

And his hand tugged more, one slipping behind Luffy’s waist, pulling.

_Closer. Closer._

(He didn’t blame Luffy. Not _one_ bit. Nor did he discourage it.)

“Lu-ooooohh….”

The reaction was immediate as Law felt his body tense at the sound of that voice.

_Zoro…_

It was Luffy however that pulled away, his neck stretching towards where they had been prior to their ‘escapade’ before pulling back. Laughter left him. “… _Ooops…_ ”

_Oops is **fucking** right…_

Law groaned, placing a hand on his face – but he couldn’t place the blame wholly on Luffy either. No, he had been _quite_ the willing participant in this scenario after all…

“Don’t worry Torao.” Luffy flashed him a grin. “He’s looking away now, shishishi.”

…That **wasn’t** the fucking point Luffy!

Another groan left him and he shook his head. He was mortified. Absolutely fucking mortified. Why? **Why?** Of _all_ the people to discover it, it **had** to be Zoro. And, of all times, it **had** to be now…

“Don’t worry about it Torao!” Luffy insisted, still chuckling. He removed Law’s hand from his head before stretching and pecking him on the lips. “Zoro’s understanding.”

_But also violent and protective…_ Law sighed. “I do hope you haven’t forgotten that he **punched** me last night Luffy-ya. My eye certainly hasn’t.”

“It’ll be fine!” He dismissed. “Besides, it wasn’t like you were doing it _then._ ”

…He supposed but… Law could only sigh as he shook his head. Luffy was too fucking carefree dammit. He fixed his hat, as it had moved when Luffy had his hand in his hair… “Very well,” he compromised, “but if your swordsman tries to murder me in my sleep…”

“Don’t worry! He knows not to hurt you anymore Torao!”

(…Oh yeah. That squeeze _definitely_ was a threat then.)

“ _Shambles._ ”

“Oi!” Luffy called out, running towards Zoro as they warped back to the entrance. “Zoro, is Robin done now?”

And, of course Luffy was the only one not to read the awkward, stiff air between them. That, or he just didn’t care. (Both were highly likely.) And, when Zoro gave a tense nod, Luffy ran down the stairs cheerfully.

Law, however, was more focused on observing Zoro. What was the man going to do? Threaten him some more? Or go against his captain’s indirect orders and…. He couldn’t read anything from the man, not with the tense way he held himself. But, at the very least, it seemed he wasn’t going to make the first move. Very well then…

“…I would appreciate silence on this topic…”

He knew his voice was stiff. Yet, at the same, this… this needed to be said. Law wasn’t comfortable with others knowing about his personal life, especially considering how _new_ this was to him. Perhaps later, it could become something more known about, but not right now. Not when _he_ was still becoming accustomed to, and comfortable with, this.

“…What topic?”

At those words, Law sighed as he felt that awkward tension fade away. Good. This didn’t have to be awkward. A soft sound left him. But, he had no doubts – even though Zoro was pretending it never occurred – about it… He knew… He knew.

And, so, that was why when Zoro had gripped at his good arm (which he was grateful for, in all honesty) he had been expecting it. A silent warning, just as Luffy had given him. The last thing Zoro wanted after all was for his captain to be hurt, or sad, or torn or…

(Law had to admit, he felt the exact same. It hurt… it **hurt** just _remembering_ the expressions on Luffy’s face when he told him he planned to die…)

It was the last thing he ever intended on doing. Hurting Luffy… it would do things to him that he didn’t want to imagine. Seeing that sunshine fading into darkness…. Seeing those smiles disappear… that laughter muted… those dark eyes **cold**..

Luffy was the man who saved his life and made him **empathetic** and **hope** and **smile** again. Luffy was the man who made him **feel** again. (Feel conscious of his own actions. Feel comfortable around another. Feel **wanted** and **important** and **cared for.** )

Luffy was the man who made him **want** to live again.

And if he caused that man sorrow….

“Don’t worry Zoro-ya. If there’s anything left of me after _I’m_ through with me, you’ve got first dibs.” Because, Law didn’t think he _could_ live with himself if that ever happened. He owed Luffy _so much_ and to repay that with unkindness… “I’m not about to harm the man who gave me a reason to hope. A reason to live.”

With that said, he removed Zoro’s hand from his arm, readjusting Kikoku before heading down the stairs to follow Luffy.

To follow the reason Trafalgar Law had to live.


End file.
